Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Red

Ramona Quimby Diary
July 1985


Dear Diary,
I hate it When My Mom or Dad or anybody imbarises Me in front of other people.


First of all, I love the way I capitalized all the pronouns, especially the ones that referred to Me. A God complex at 8? And then, awwww! What's wrong with mom and dad? You shouldn't embarrass your children in front of other people. Only in the privacy of your own home!

The plot thickens:

Once, we had a party at our house. I tyred to help my mom by telling My dad not to leen on the railing. everybody laughed.

Ah, the railing. Yes, that really did happen. It was a wrought iron railing that separated the dining room from the living room. "DON'T LEAN ON THE RAILING" is one of those things your parents tell you to, I don't know, scare the bejeezus out of you and prevent the house from being destroyed. Cause you know kids: railing in house = jungle gym! Whee!

Kids: Wow, this house has a jungle gym inside! Whee!

Parents: IF YOU BREAK THAT WE WILL KILL YOU. DON'T TOUCH THE RAILING. EVER.

Kids: Bah!

So my parents were having a party with a bunch of people from work. Young Liz enters the dining room and gasp! sees Dad leaning on the railing, talking and laughing with friends. As a child I usually had a healthy respect for the rules of the house, and in this case I thought my father must be out of his mind. Dad? Break a rule? Never! Something must be seriously wrong!

Being very shy, I had to muster up all my courage to approach my father and inform him of his infraction in front of all these strangers.

Me: Pop, you're not supposed to lean on the railing.

Pop: What, baby?

Guests: stare

Me: (getting redder by the minute) You're not supposed to lean on the railing.

Pop: I'm not supposed to wean a red herring?

Me: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAN ON THE RAILING!

Guests: titter, as in, isn't it adorable when children try to enforce the rules?

Me: YOU'RE LAUGHING! YOU'RE ALL LAUGHING AT ME!! SOB CHOKE RUN FROM ROOM



Hoo boy, I will never live that one down.


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