Thursday, June 30, 2005

The pen is mightier than the flowers!

If you have read the old posts, you may remember that I have a little love affair with office supplies. Some of you may understand this, and if so, I would love to hear from you. Maybe we can start an office supplies pep squad. Or a support group.

When I was a kid I would often spend my allowance on office products. I remember that I used to buy these expensive pens that had waterproof ink for my journaling. Because what if my journal ever fell overboard into the ocean? When it washed ashore in a foreign land, eons from then, I wanted people to know The Truth. Which was that JR in my fourth period class had gorgeous green eyes but that his little pick-up lines had NO effect on me. And this was in 8th grade. Even then I was cheese-resistant. I felt it was my duty to pass on my wisdom to the young women of the Future.

These days I am so happy when it comes time to replenish the supply cabinet at work. I critically examine and research each product for quality, asthetic appeal, and functionality. I create Excel spreadsheets that note the price and page number of each desired item in the catalog. It is a thing of BEAUTY! I may even post the next one I create.

And? The whole reason I loved this movie was that the main characters make up a story about how they invented the glue that makes Post-Its stick.

So in light of these things, I realized that yet another career I would enjoy would be selling various pens, pencils, clips, and staplers on QVC. I watch QVC sometimes and wonder how these sparkly, well-manicured women can have so much to say about inanimate objects. The twee charm bracelets! The waffle irons! The luxurious sherpa jackets! What? Here's all I'd be able to think of:

"Here is a jacket. It's pretty soft. Comes in blue or red. Want it?"


(dumbfounded look from camera crew)

But office supplies? I could say a lot! I could be the special office supplies correspondent!


"Note the way the pen writes fluidly with crisp, black ink. It has a beautiful silver-finish clip for convenient attachment to pockets or portfolios. Its cushiony black base positively pampers your fingers during those marathon writing sessions. This pen practically does the writing for you! It comes in a beautiful array of colors, including fiery ruby red, striking emerald green, and soothing ocean blue. Believe me (chuckle), the boardroom will buzz when you pull this baby out of your briefcase! This pen says, "Look at me, everyone. I am a goddamn genius!"

(Note to QVC: call me.)

One of my favorite items ever was that little red stapler that I got for Christmas one year. A classic never to be forgotten.

See how nicely I show off the stapler? I just need a manicure and I am totally QVC material!

"Presto! It's so easy."

I also have this very old metal stapler that is actually rusting in some spots. But I must keep it... for when I open my fabulous Museum of Office Supplies one day. I think I own six staplers altogether... three at home and three at work.

Old n' rusty, but still works! Sometime in the 80's I tried to decorate it with white and sparkly gold paint, the remains of which can be seen on the left.

It says "Tatum Rascal" on it. Was this a brand name? The original owner's bad-ass boyfriend? I have no idea. As a librarian I should research this immediately, but I'm too tired.

I LOVE this. My husband bought it for me. It combines my two favorite things in the world: highlighters and Post-Its. When I spotted it in Wal-Mart I thought it was too grand to be an impulse buy, so I sighed, "Well, maybe I can ask for it for Christmas..." Shooting me a totally disgusted look, hubby plucked it from the rack and tossed it in the basket.

"It costs TWO BUCKS. Seriously."

I was a very happy girl that day.

And the other night? My husband came home with flowers and a brand new Avery Double Click pen. Guess which one I liked the best? It's green! And it's a pen, and a pencil, and it has an eraser hidden in the top! I LUV it. I use it at work and if anyone attempts to borrow it, my cold evil stare stops them dead in their tracks.

Even these beautiful flowers cannot compare to my new Double Click pen.

Currently I am lusting after one of the old-school Trapper Keepers that I always wanted when I was in school. Preferably one with cute kittens or a unicorn on it. Must be vintage. Anyone have one they're willing to give up?

Please? I'll let you use my new pen!


Blogger Cole said...

I thought that you might find this interesting:

6:04 PM  

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