Monday, June 20, 2005

What I Wish

Do you ever have those moments when you think of something that would make you really, truly happy? And you get all excited for a minute, and you’re transported back to that childhood belief that if you really really want something, and you really really deserve it, maybe you can just wish hard enough and hey-- you’ll get it!

Like just now, I really really wished that I had a strawberry milkshake. And the endorphins rushed through my body and cheered, “Happy happy happy!” But when I looked down at my desk, I saw only my bottle of tap water, and no milkshake.

That was disappointing.

Or this morning I was talking with my co-worker, who is a really awesome guy. And I really really wished that he and his wife lived next to my husband and me. Because then they could be all, “Hey! It’s such a nice evening that we’re going to sit outside and talk!” And I’d be all, “Great idea! We’ll join you!” And we’d sit out and laugh laugh laugh and all the other neighbors would wonder what we were laughing at and be jealous of our great friendship.

But? I still live where I live, and he still lives 40 miles away.

That, too, is disappointing.

As a child, I absolutely believed in the power of the mind. My thoughts? Could accomplish some Very Major Things. But fear not, I did not let my perceived power go to my head. I was a very serious child, and I weighed every decision very carefully.

For example, one day I woke up with the belief that I could choose my sex. Now get your minds out of the gutter, people. I was four. I mean that I thought I could choose whether I would be a boy or a girl. Never mind the fact that I was obviously already a full-fledged GIRL. I figured you had to be SOMETHING when you were born, and then when you had matured to the age of 4, you could choose whether you would be a boy or a girl. And you would remain as such for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Obviously, this was not something to take lightly.

I clearly remember weighing the pros and cons of being a boy or a girl. Right around this time, my mother had just had my little sister. When I asked, she told me that it hurt. That made a big impression on me, because I did not like anything that Hurt.

Girl / cons: Girls must have babies, and this Hurts.

Also around this time, my father had cut his hand while fixing the car. This made a huge impression on me because I saw the BLOOD on his hand, and blood to me was Very Scary.

Boy / cons: Boys have to fix the car and hurt their hands. This also Hurts.

Honestly? I can’t even remember what the pros were. All I knew was that there was a damn good reason to reject either sex. However. In the end, I chose to be a girl. Obviously. Behold the Power of My Mind!

No, really! The way I made The Decision that night was to close my eyes very tightly and say firmly, “I do NOT want to be a boy. I want to be a GIRL. Thank you.”

Had I actually witnessed the birth of my sister, chances are damn good that you would be reading a man's blog right now.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe my thoughts were not so seriously weighed... Probably took me at least a month of bed jumping to realize the flying thing wasn't working so well. ugh

6:32 PM  

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