Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Woke Up This Morning...

Hello, weekend? Where aaaaaaaare you?


I am seriously tired, folks. Not in a whiny, oh-I-wish-it-was-Saturday way, but as in I almost fell asleep at a red light this morning.

This morning I shared this with someone and they (of course) asked, “Why are you so tired?” And I (of course) answered, “I have no idea!”

Big liar, here. When I really think about it, I can come up with lots of reasons that I am tired today.

Fifty-five, in fact:


1) The fifth season of the Sopranos finally arrived at Blockbuster

2) which I have been waitingwaitingwaiting for, because we don’t get HBO

3) and because I am obsessive like that, I had been checking the website MULTIPLE times each day for news of its rentability

4) so I was therefore able to call my husband IMMEDIATELY and tell him to get himself to our local Blockbuster A.S.A.P.

5) I also said please.

6) So he went and rented the entire fifth season

7) because he loves me

8) and knew I would whine incessantly until he did.

9) And I’ve been watching every night

10) being bombarded with profanity and images of sex and violence

11) and inevitably falling asleep in the middle of whatever episode we’re watching

12) and waking up when it’s over

13) so my husband has to rehash the entire story line for me

14) and last night I fell asleep AGAIN while he was rehashing

15) which exasperates him

16) so I pinched myself so I could WAKE UP

17) (ouch)

18) and then I was awake

19) so we took the dog out for his last bathroom break of the night

20) but the air had gotten cooler and the grass was wet

21) and Breeze + Wet Paws = Hyper!!!!!!!!! Whee!

22) so he wanted to race up and down the hallway

23) tried to reason with dog

24) he would not listen

25) so when I managed to catch his furry little body I took him to our bedroom and shut the door

26) this made him Mad

27) so he Acted Out in typical fashion

28) which means he crawled under our bed while we were trying to sleep

29) and scratched at the carpet

30) and butted his head against the bottom of the mattress

31) we tried to Ignore Him

32) but then he started growling

33) which made me laugh

34) but made hubby mad

35) so hubby crawled under the bed and pulled the dog out

36) and it looked like a battle of wills

37) and also like my husband was birthing a calf

38) which made me laugh even harder

39) which meant that I was then WIDE AWAKE

40) so after the dog was on the bed where he was supposed to be

41) I lay back in bed

42) and started thinking about the drunk driver I had seen on the way home from work

43) whom I reported to the police

44) I got his license plate number and everything, because he seriously SCARED me

45) and I started to worry that he might have family in Jersey or New York

46) and I started to worry about my kneecaps getting broken

47) and since I like my kneecaps

48) you can understand why I was distraught

49) so I decided it would be smart to assume an alias

50) which I may reveal someday

51) but not right now, because I seriously need to catch a nap

52) So in conclusion

53) I'll just cover all my bases...

54) Note to Tony S: I have a vicious passive-agressive dog under the bed

55) SO DON'T MESS WITH ME!

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