Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Affair Addendum

(Bearette, is this legally binding? Please advise. Bon Jovi is coming to DC in December)


"It is hereby established that LIZ and HUBBY are in mutual agreement that the sanctity of marriage should be upheld and celebrated. LIZ and HUBBY agree that they will remain husband and wife until death does they part , until death do part them, until one of them bites it.

"Each vows to uphold the promise that was solemnly made in front of 120 friends, family members, and assorted drunken dates to remain true to the other for all of their days, but thouest shall remember that Liz asked the officient to remove the "obey" bullshit, so yes they will respect each other but not OBEY, with the exception of situations in which death or severe injury is imminent, for example if LIZ were about to run into the path of an oncoming cement truck and HUBBY yelled, "STOP!", then in that case it is fine and lawful to expect LIZ to obey.

"In so much as they uphold and celebrate the sanctity of marriage, let it be known that this has not rendered LIZ and HUBBY completely blind to those around them, the result being that they have a deep appreciation not only for each other, but for several members of the questionable group known as CELEBRITIES.

"Therefore, LIZ and HUBBY herefore wherefore do wish to AMEND their wedding vows to make a teeny-weeny exception for certain members of the CELEBRITY group. A CELEBRITY is hereby defined as anyone who meets all of the following requirements: 1) employs an agent, personal trainer, or bodyguard 2) has appeared in People magazine, and 3)has hosted, had a cameo on, or been the butt of a joke on either Saturday Night Live or MAD TV.

"LIZ or HUBBY may enjoy a FLING with any CELEBRITY listed on their respective lists. Said FLING will be defined as unlimited enjoyment of the CELEBRITY for a period of time that shall not exceed 24 hours. Only one CELEBRITY may be enjoyed at a time. Said enjoyment may not be obtained by LIZ or HUBBY via blackmail, extortion, or exchange of money, goods, or services.

LIZ and HUBBY may not impersonate anyone else or attempt to hide obvious physical flaws or character defects. CELEBRITY must submit to fling willingly and with some amount of enthusiasm, however meager.

A 48-hour waiting period applies to any and all changes to the CELEBRITY lists.

We the undersigned do so solemnly swear:

Liz
Hubby



My list:

1)
Jon Bon Jovi
2)
Carter Oosterhouse
3)
Joe Perry
4)
Lenny Kravitz
5) TBD

I am looking for suggestions for slot #5. Please submit your recommendations.

And as for hubby's list? I'll have to wait until I get the updated version from his lawyer.


Labels:

12 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

A fine contract! If you get it notarized you'll be good to go ;)

Jon Bon Jovi has a stain on his shirt!

I thought Joe Perry was the Def Leppard front man, but no!

And Carter Oosterhouse...never heard of him before, but he's pretty yummy ;)

Yay!

7:47 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

And I humbly offer you #5:

http://www.fragile-dreams.com/images/actors/Colin%20Firth%201024.jpg

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Bethiclaus said...

I'm so glad Lenny Kravitz is on your list! He's on mine, too. Mine also includes Don Cheadle and Taye Diggs.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Taye Diggs looked good in When Stella Got Her Groove Back.

10:19 PM  
Blogger Frema said...

My humble suggestions:

- Zach Braff
- John Cusack
- Michael J. Fox circa Back to the Future
- Peter Krause

These are just some of the husbands I have taken for myself when playing the game of Life.

1:18 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bearette! You read my mind. I was trying to remember Colin Firth and his name would not come to me. All I could hear in my head was a British accent (I think I was also picturing the reindeer sweater from Bridget Jones)... he is lovely.

Bethi, I just saw Don in Crash last weekend. I really liked him in Ocean's Eleven, too.

Frema, John C. is another one whose name I couldn't remember. He is a definite contender for slot #5...

8:56 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

And I'll second Bearette & Bethi... Taye Diggs looked so good in When Stella Got Her Groove Back, it seemed like he couldn't really be human...

8:59 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Just stay away from my imaginary boyfriends. You know how jealous I can get. ;-)

You definitely have a type!

9:32 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

i was in love with John Cusack from 1989 to 2003 ;)

10:57 PM  
Anonymous jenny-bean said...

orlando bloom is at the top of my list but he's a little young... carter is soooooo hot, i agree!

5:52 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Oh, and Liz, I still have "Livin' On a Prayer" on my iPod. I thought I might have deleted it, because my iPod used to play it incessantly on shuffle, and I haven't heard it in a while. But it's still there! I'm sure you are happy to know this.

AND they played it before the movie "Good Night and Good Luck" at my local movie theater.

I assume you caught his stint on Ally McBeal...

6:09 PM  
Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...

Dammit!

I totally could have used this last night at the Nine Inch Nails show!!!!

Sigh....

3:07 PM  

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