Monday, October 03, 2005

Sleazy? Or Social? You Decide.

I just re-read my last post and realized that something was missing. You see, I was a bit fuzzy-headed when I was typing that entry and as a result I completely forgot to talk about something that made me go "Wha...?" more than once on Friday night. It troubles me, but as someone who hasn’t really been “on the market” in nearly 12 years, I might need a second opinion.

So here’s the scene:

You’re a woman. You’re at a club. You hit the dance floor with a female friend. The two of you are dancing together and having fun.

Suddenly you feel hands sliding around your waist from behind. A glance back reveals that it’s a man you don’t know, and he is touching you and dancing provocatively behind you. Not only do you not know him, you’ve never even made eye contact with him before. There were no sly exchanges or come-hither looks or anything of the sort. You try to move away from him but he seems to follow you.

After several quick side-steps and “no thanks” gestures, he finally gets the hint and moves on.

So is he sleazy? Or just being social?

I know someone will tell me I need to get a life and realize that this is how it’s done now. That if a woman is dancing alone, or with another woman, it must mean that she is yearning for some strange guy to come feel her up. That obviously, if you’re in a dance club and you do not keep a man close by at all times, of course you should expect unwanted attention.

Plus, I was frankly a little disappointed that I couldn’t pass for a lesbian who was getting down to “White Wedding” with her life partner.

But I digress.

This really bothers me on some level. It happened more than once that night, and each time I thought, “Well, at least I should be thankful that he accepted the rejection gracefully.” And then I promptly wanted to slap myself. Have any of you ladies had a guy call you a bitch when you politely refused his come-on?

I have.

It’s not unreasonable to think that a woman at a club might be looking to meet a man. I know this. I know it takes courage to approach a stranger, and I have a healthy respect for a guy who does, as long as said approach is polite and doesn’t involve me coming into unwelcome contact with his family jewels.

I’m fine with a guy who asks me to dance. A guy who asks if he can buy me a drink. A guy who strikes up a conversation.

But since when is it ok to put your hands on a woman you don’t know?

So please tell me: is my reaction to this similar to my grandmother’s freak-out over the debut of the bikini?

Or am I justly icked-out?


Blogger Bearette24 said...

I don't think you're being grandmotherly at all. I think it's routine for guys to hit on women at clubs if the women aren't with a guy, but they usually ask you to dance or something before putting their hands on you!

9:33 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

It's been a while since I've been in a dance club (and by the way, were you at Polly Esther's? That's one of the few clubs that I can stand).

Is that behavior unusual? No. I've had it happen to me. And I'm not even all that provocative on the dance floor.

Is it acceptable? It shouldn't be. Unfortunately, many an inebriated girl on the dance floor won't shake off a guy like that---she'll encourage him---and he gets it into his head that it's okay. And many a polite girl like us is too nice to give the guy the response he really deserves. So he goes off thinking that we just aren't interested rather than realizing that his approach was invasive and offensive.

Ugh. Skeezy guys like that is one of the reasons I no longer go to dance clubs.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Frema said...

In my clubbin' days, people were always coming behind me and shaking themselves all up into my business. But they were usually the ones you'd never in a million years go out with in public. So I think you were right to feel icked out.

8:22 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

That settles it... I am icked out. I'll wear my spikey belt next time.

7:00 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

You could also bring a spiked ball - a mace - and swing it over your head ;) Heck, it might start a new trend.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Hehe... then I'd really get called some names!

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Totally gross

8:28 AM  

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