Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'll admit it: I cried in the car yesterday

Okay, so now you know what I really wanted to write about yesterday. Poor Katie Couric and her Puggles got the brunt of my misplaced emotion.

I have written before about being driven to tears in DC's traffic, so I was reluctant to write about my most recent roadway breakdown.

(Hee. There were lots of bad puns in that last sentence. You see? I can find the humor even when I am in the depths of despair)

(still channeling Anne-with-an-e)

Here's the scenario. I will be using the word "stupid" a lot. Please indulge me, for I am a pathetic and weepy commuter.

I'm on a 3-lane road. I am in the right lane. This is the lane I loathe, as this is where all the slow people from Florida drive as they're passing through our fair city. Unless they are stupidly hogging the left lane, which is only for people going 120 mph.

Anyway, I want to get into the middle lane. I see that there are three whole luxurious car-lengths of space coming up on my left, so I put my blinker on (stupid me) and start to move over. Suddenly, a white car in the left lane zips into the middle lane (stupid asshole) without signaling, which means that I have to slow my lane change to avoid hitting him. Meanwhile, the huge red truck that used to be three car-lengths away has seen that not one, but TWO stupid cars are daring to get in front of her, so she floors it and comes bearing down on my back bumper.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

Wha? I looked in my rearview mirror to see if maybe she was honking at someone else. But no, it was me. She saw me look and gave me a really nasty sneer, along with an exaggerated shrug that said, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, YOU STUPID GIRL? DON'T BE THINKING YOU CAN CHANGE LANES IN THIS TOWN!"

It felt as though I had been quietly studying in a library, minding my own business, when suddenly someone stalked over to my table and yelled, "F*CK YOU!"

At first I thought I'd brushed it off, as I usually do with the road-rude that is rampant here. But then I heard a life insurance commercial come on the radio, and they were playing this sappy music that is supposed to make you want to bake cookies and hug your loved ones, and all of a sudden my eyes were welling up.

Why do people have to be so mean?
sniffle, sniffle
What did I do to deserve that?
sniff
Doesn't she see that I have a bumper sticker that says DOG IS LOVE?
shuddery sigh
Only a really nice, caring person who does not deserve to be called out on the highway would have a DOG IS LOVE bumper sticker! OUR SOCIETY IS GOING TO HELLLLLLLLLLLL!

WEEP

Clearly, I would never cut it in NYC with my delicate little feelings.

And, for good measure:

stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid

15 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

Poor Liz!

Are you sure you weren't driving in Austin?

Except for the horn part. People in DC like their car horns more than they like their own children.

I just don't get the whole competitive driving thing---"I could both maintain my speed and let you merge in front of me, but I WON'T. I won't let anyone get in front of me, even if it means accelerating and nearly causing an accident to prevent it. But you darn well better let ME over when I want to change lanes. Because we all know that I'M more important than you."

Gah.

I'm so sorry. I'm sending you a very big hug. And a big middle finger to the evil drivers.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Yes! A big middle finger is exactly what we need!

YOU ARE AWESOME, LISA!!!

4:09 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Dog is Love. I love it!

My mother always cheerfully smiled and waved when people flipped her the bird on the highway. I think it confused them ;)

4:36 PM  
Blogger Frema said...

That totally sucks! But don't worry; I have cried over way less than that. Examples include paper cuts, the absence of a closing salutation in e-mails, and the series finale of Friends. You've got me beat by a long shot.

11:40 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Once I flipped a bird at what I quickly found out was an unmarked police car. Needless to say, I never did that again.

8:47 AM  
Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...

I'm one of those rare Texas drivers who actually uses her horn. This usually happens when some assnut turns out of a parking lot right in front of me, or if they cut me off. Useless bastards.

I've flipped the bird, too. One especially poignant moment was when I was driving home from the hell that is Downtown Dallas (hated the job I was in). Didn't want to block the intersection at a stoplight, but apparently this guy behind me in a Saturn wanted to turn right, so he kept honking and making rude gestures. So I repaid the favor.

Useless bastards.

I also hate when people put on makeup in their car while talking on their cell phones. Most of the time it's women in SUV's. Nice. I have a little car and I'm constantly afraid of them plowing into me.

Useless bastards....

11:17 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I'm very wary about flipping bird---because I lived in DC and you never know who has a gun there and because I always have that little thought of "What if I run into this person later?" You know, like what if that person is on the selection committee for grad school or is the interviewer for my ideal job or just moved in next door to me.

I'm a wimp.

Although I will use my horn if someone needs to be woken up at a light or is doing something stupid.

The drivers in my neighborhood are awful. We have no sidewalks and no street lights, so at this time of year, I'm usually walking Rowen on the side of the road at dusk. And there are people out on bikes and running and pushing strollers. But the drivers tear through in their overpriced SUVs that have never seen a dirt road, with their cell phones in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other, not a care in the world about who they might hit.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Lisa, you're not a wimp, you're smart. After I almost got a ticket for flipping the bird at that cop (which he TOTALLY deserved, but that's another story!) I really did stop and think about how many kray-zees are on the road around here. Now I do it under the dashboard, so I feel better but no one else can see it. ;-)

12:45 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

And Bdogg- assnut. Hee. I'll have to file that one away for future use. ;-)

12:50 PM  
Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...

LOL--it's one of my new favorite words.

You know, instead of flipping the bird, American-style, we can all do it the way the Brits do--put your first two fingers in a "V" with your fingernails facing out.

Then people will all think you're flashing them the peace sign.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Hehe...I never knew about that!

:)

5:32 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bdogg-- when you get to England one day you will be totally prepared! ;-)

8:42 AM  
Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...

I KNOW!!!

In case you hadn't already guessed, I'm a HUGE Anglophile.

I always wanted to marry a Brit, but got DH instead. I have to say, though, that I made the better choice!! He indulges my quirkiness.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Poppy Cede said...

I've decided that all the drivers around me are passive-aggressive or aggressive pooholes and that I shouldn't get all worked up when they do something jerky, since that's what effect they want to have on you. Of course, this is more of a theory than a practice, which is why I don't drive myself most places. :)

11:04 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Clearly I need to hire a driver.

Of course, I'd probably have to sell my house, but the sacrifice might be worth it! ;-)

2:51 PM  

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