Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Unbearable Adolescent Awkwardness

A few months ago I posted a few entries from my childhood Ramona Quimby Diary. Today I unearthed my middle school diary. It fell open to a page where I had written in all caps,

TROY IS A JERK WHO COULDN'T PLAY THE SAXOPHONE TO SAVE HIS LIFE.

Hmm... don't remember what that was all about. Sorry, Troy. I'm sure I forgave you for whatever you did.

And besides the fact that Troy sucked, I also will admit that in 1989, MacGyver was apparently my favorite TV show.

I wrote that. Yes I did.

I remember having a crush on Richard Dean Anderson, but I didn't remember being a MacGyver fiend. However, I've always admired a clever mind, and MacGyver certainly had that. I also had a crush on Davy Jones from the Monkees, but I planned to marry Michael Landon, who would be just as kind and strong as Pa on the Little House show and would build a log cabin for me and my dogs out in the wilderness. Also, he would always wear those suspenders, which were so very cute.

Around the same time, my favorite color was red, my favorite guy at school was Brian G. (what, you thought it would be Troy?), and my favorite passtimes were drawing, sports, listening to the radio, and dancing.

As evidence of how fickle middle schoolers can be, just ONE MONTH LATER my favorite color was pink, my favorite guy at school was Jim M. (Troy & I still on the outs), and my favorite passtimes were drawing, sports, cooking and playing the piano.

I also dramatically closed each entry with a big "X" in a circle. Don't ask me why.

Then in 8th grade, the biggest drama of my life occured. Steel yourself:

Dear Diary,
I am in a bad situation. Okay, I found out that Danny likes me and was planning to ask me to the graduation dance. I feel bad for him because he is really nice, but really shy around girls, even though we have been friends for 2 years! So he finally called me and asked me. But then Jim told everyone that he likes me and wants to ask me. Jim and Danny are best friends, so this is really bad. I heard from Sonja that in their English class, Jim was talking about me and Les W. got mad and yelled, WHAT ARE YOU DOING JIM, TRYING TO STEAL DAN'S WOMAN?!! The last thing I want is for anyone to be fighting. I don't know what to do.

Two days later...

I told Danny that I would go to the dance with him. He asked me first, plus he is a very nice guy. But I still feel weird. Jim asked my friend Mary Anne to the dance, so everything is fine, I guess. The only thing is that Danny has asked me out twice. He called me and asked me to meet him at the duck pond so he could ask me in person but I felt weird and told him I had to help my mom clean the house. I think I'd like to go to a movie or something, but not go out with him PERMANENTLY. I don't think. !!!!!!!!!! Well, I'd better answer SOON. I don't know what to do!!!!


There was a time when I couldn't read diaries from that time without feeling some amount of self-loathing. I actually thought about throwing that diary away a few times when I was younger. God, how could I have been so... thirteen? How could I have been so clueless?

Did any of you ever want to take a quantum leap and go back in time to save yourself? From yourself?

"Listen, Liz, all you have to do is be a MAN, trot over to the duck pond, and tell Danny politely that you think he's a great guy, but you don't want to date him. That is all. Now cut the drama and HOP TO IT!"

And perhaps as an afterthought I'd have yelled after her, "And stop wearing rolled-up cut-offs! YOU ARE NOT JENNIFER GREY!"

I still cringe when I read some of those entries, but now I can also feel compassion for that girl. She was me. I am her. I wouldn't be the same person today if I hadn't suffered my share of adolescent drama and heartbreak. And worn scrunchies that color-coordinated with my socks.

Plus, we both agree that Richard Dean Anderson is still kinda cute. Any man who can make a helicoptor out of a paper clip and a Dixie cup is hot.

12 Comments:

Blogger Frema said...

Oh my God, that is so funny. I have diaries, too, starting at age nine and ending somewhere around age 19. I laugh at the middle school years; it's the high school ones that make me wonder where my self-respect was.

Anyway, the early journals are filled with things like "Will C.B. ever notice I'm alive?" because, if the boy you're in love with goes to your church but you don't know his name, what else CAN you call him? Also, I was in love with Joey McIntyre and Fred Savage.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Frema, I did see a NKOTB concert. In my defense, it was all my best friend's idea and she even wore those huge I HEART JOEY buttons the night of the concert.

On the other hand, I did know every word of "Please Don't Go Girl".

8:41 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

"A log cabin for me and my dogs in the wilderness." Awesome.

Do you know I have never seen MacGyver??? Geez.

I had a Ramona Quimby diary too. Maybe I should resurrect it sometime.

No need to be embarrassed. We were all very 13.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I think I still AM 13!

My college journals are probably the most embarrassing because I took myself way too seriously.

And I'll admit to a Joey crush, too! I went to see NKOTB in concert, learned how to play their songs on the piano, even dressed like them (with a group of my friends) for Halloween.

I am such a dork.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Hehe, which one did you dress as?

I remember being at an 8th-grade sleepover and everyone had to say which New Kid they had a crush on. I actually didn't have a crush on any. I did see them open for Tiffany, though.

I didn't keep a journal during college but I wrote some VERY serious poetry. I think I even wrote one about "innocence" and talked about "lips not yet bruised by kisses."

OK, I can't believe I admitted that.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bearette-- Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables) would have said, "That is so completely and hopelessly romantic!"

1:29 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

:) I love Anne of Green Gables ;)

1:46 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I was just thinking of Anne as I was posting to Bdogg's site---how she used to describe people as kindred spirits.

2:05 PM  
Blogger Frema said...

You know, I actually played Anne Shirley in my senior year of high school--red wig and all.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

That's awesome!

3:54 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Recently I watched my Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea movies. Those may be the only two book-based movies that ever lived up to what I pictured in my head as I read...

11:37 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

That's so cool! I saw parts of the first one. For some reason Anne of the Island was the one I most re-read. I liked her college days. And then when Gilbert is very sick, and she realizes he's the one for her...

9:56 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home