Friday, March 03, 2006

Excuse me, but I believe your neuroticism is showing

I got a call from my husband a short time ago.

"Welllll...." he said, "I kind of did something...."

I could tell by his voice that he was smiling.

I laughed. "You did something?"

"Well, there's something waiting for you at home."

I could hear some of his co-workers giggling in the background.

"What?" I asked brightly. "Did you fix the toilet?"

He laughed and repeated my answer for his co-workers. I could hear them laughing.

"No... I kind of brought home a lost puppy."

It was so clear that he expected me to be excited about this, but to be honest my heart had plummeted to the floor.

"It followed some of the kids to school today and we were afraid he'd get hit by a car, so we tied him to the flag pole until animal control could come. But he was whimpering and crying, and I just couldn't stand the thought of him going to a shelter. So I took him home and gave him a bath-- because he was really smelly and dirty-- and he's in Alex's old crate in the kitchen right now..."

Okay, let me hit the PAUSE button for a minute.

I was horrified. And I was horrified by my horror.

I am an animal lover, absolutely and completely. My pets have always been like family members to me. I cry when I see strays on the side of the highway, for godssakes! So you'd think I'd be thrilled that my equally compassionate husband brought home a poor, skinny puppy that was about to get crushed on a busy street.

But no. I was immediately wondering how much time I could kill after work so I wouldn't have to go home and see. it.

What I'm slowly realizing is that it's not a lack of caring. It's the exact opposite of that, to such an extreme that I'm afraid of it. I hate shelters, they just make me too damn sad because I don't have the means to save every animal in them, and now it feels like a shelter has moved into my kitchen.

M actually wants to keep this dog, I can hear it in his voice. And he's not the type to be spontaneous when it comes to big things like this. But of course, within a second of hearing the news I'm already freaking out about

what if we can't keep him?
what if it's too expensive?
what if our house is too small for two dogs?
twice the work
twice the cleaning
twice the vet bills
I wanted to adopt another dog
but we decided not to!
what if Alex likes him?
what if Alex hates him?
what if we keep him and he barks all the time?
what if the neighbors get mad?
what if we want to keep him but we can't?
we'll have to take him to a rescue league.
but what if none of them have room?
we'd have to take him to a shelter.
but I would rather DIE than take him to a shelter

I'm trying to do therapy on myself, but all this running from one chair to another has got me exhausted.

I'll understand if you don't understand. Welcome to my head.

5 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

I'll take him! I'll take him!

Oh, I so want another puppy!

But many of the same thoughts have been going through my head as I talk myself out of it.

You're not being neurotic. You're being practical. A puppy is a huge commitment.

Good luck with everything!

5:00 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Liz, that is such big news! I am excited/scared for you. I hope you and Alex like the doggy.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Good luck with your new bundle of joy. All those questions make me think of Skippy.....and how nice it is to not have our house being chewed to shreds.

I hope it all works out for you and that Alex doesn't feel too "put out".

roxanne

11:57 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I completely understand. After my first cat died, my mom and I went to the local county shelter to see about finding another pet there. I remember walking through where all the dogs were and my heart just broke. It was all I could do to make it out of there before I started BAWLING. It even makes me cry now remember how sad they all looked, how much they just wanted to be taken home. Believe me, it's not just you.

I hope the new puppy works out! :)

12:03 AM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

You're having a pretty exciting month Liz - and it's barely even started!

What kind of puppy is it?

2:01 AM  

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