Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Dammit

How did you guys get so smart? I was sure, so sure, that I had chosen the word that would never be guessed.

SILENCE.

Silence! The perfect Pictionary stumper! Because it's invisible, see? There's nothing to draw!

(at first I was going to say that my nearly 4-day blogging absence was an abstract clue that should have led you all to guess SILENCE simultaneously, but while I am not religious I still have morals and could not in good conscience tell a lie).

I had to draw on my professional librarian skillz, for 'silence' is something we specialize in.

Shhhhh.

That's right. Hush now, or Librarian Liz will have to take you down. Quietly, of course.

The winners shall be crowned tomorrow, as soon as they tell me what titles they would like to claim. (YES, you can take Stupid Motherfucker Trip-Ass Ho if you must.)

(Wait, sorry. That's what a rabid teenager once called me when I was a social worker. She also tried to throw a desk at me.)

(But hey- if you like it, it's yours. I wouldn't mind passing on my title.)

But real quick, I have to tell you about this wedding I attended over the weekend. My husband was the best man, but we didn't know a single person in attendance except for the groom's parents. As the best man, M got to ride around in a limo after the ceremony and drink peppermint Schnapps, while I clutched my Xeroxed map in one hand and drove myself to the reception site, arriving one hour before the cocktail hour, which means TWO HOURS before the actual reception.

Remember: am introvert. Do not enjoy parties full of strangers.

But I had a mission! One of the groomsmen had left a plastic bag containing Mysterious Bows in my car. When I discovered them in my back seat I bravely entered the cocktail party to find their proper place. Because what if they were supposed to go on the backs of the bride and groom's chairs, for God's sake? WHAT THEN?

So it took all of 10 minutes to make my way through the drunken crowd, asking Anyone Who Looked Like They Knew Anything where these bows were supposed to go.

After a while I felt as though I may as well have been wearing white Keds and telling everyone, "I carried a watermelon."

I spotted a single guy sitting at the bar, and in a moment of extreme courage I took the seat next to him and struck up a conversation.

(squeeee!)

His name was John and he was in marketing. I stated that my HUSBAND was the best man, just so he wouldn't think I was trying to pick him up. His GIRLFRIEND was in attendance but was mingling in the other room, and he was a bit introverted so here he was at the bar.

Introvert meets Introvert! Cocktail hour heaven.

Later I was seated at the reception, where the bride had thoughtfully placed me next to her oldest friends. Who were drunk already. Across the table were their awesome neighbors, Abby and Garret. They were kind, funny, and great conversationalists. And Abby was 8 months pregnant, which provided all sorts of conversation fodder. So how did I reward them for their awesomeness?

I spilled a full glass of Pinot Grigio all over Abby's side of the table, narrowly missing her swollen belly.

The bride's drunk friends drunkenly proclaimed, "You're cut off!"

And of course I had to explain that I'd only had one glass of wine over the past TWO HOURS, so of course I wasn't drunk. And I apologized profusely.

Not that the drunk friends heard me.

But it was okay. Abby really didn't mind, because it wasn't merlot, after all, and I think she was thankful that I didn't chastise her for drinking half a glass of champagne.

Which I never would. Introverted bow-carriers are very non-judgmental.

11 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

so suzy is the winner? congrats, suze!

i can see why you didn't want to be a social worker anymore ;)

9:08 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Oooh, I want to be a social worker. Where do I sign up?

11:00 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Ooooh, I was SO close. Next time you better watch out people! :)

Congrats to suzy!

11:11 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

So what were the bows for?

9:01 AM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

Well done suzy!

Carolyn I think you are already one with all the stuff you deal with :D

I'm also curious about the bows...or should we guess their purpose?! If so, I think they were butt-related bows ;p

10:15 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Pin the bow on the butt!! It's the new drunken wedding reception game. lol

I don't know what my title should be since I REALLY didn't expect to win this one. So is silence a thing for it to be a noun?

10:21 AM  
Blogger Elsa said...

Congrats, Suzy! I had guessed silence, but hadn't realized you had already guessed it! Next time, I will read the previous comments :-)

11:17 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Elsa, I think we can share the title since I didn't completely guess it. So go ahead and pick what your new title will be and I'll figure out mine! :)

11:21 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

The two flower girls wore dresses that came with two bows-- one white, one pink. They wore the pink ones, and the rejected white bows found their way into my car.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Elsa said...

That's very sweet of you Suzy. You didn't have to share the crown since you came up with the answer first. Thank you.

Hmmmm...what shall I want my title to be...ok, got it...Queen of the Royal Order of Munchkins.

3:03 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I'll be the Queen of Everything! Or the Queen of 2B. That's my apt. number. lol

3:31 PM  

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