Thursday, July 20, 2006

"The sudden blush devours them, neck and brow..."

Yesterday I got an email forward from a friend. It's a list of questions that I'm required to answer and forward on to other friends. It's supposed to help you bond with your friends, but I suspect that people really want to find out if they're the only ones who would eat live cockroaches in exchange for a date with Johnny Depp.

What?

Anyhow, I hate these questionnaires. I never know how to answer them, probably because I have a compulsion for honesty. Even the benign, “What is your favorite color?” throws me into a tailspin. It all depends on the day! And what I’m wearing! And what if I have a tie but the question asks for my favorite, not my two favorites, and ooooooooooh nooooooooo…

It can literally take me hours to finish one of these things.

So one of the questions was: What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Oh man, I've sweated this one. I can’t just throw any old embarrassing incident out there. It has to really, truly be the most embarrassing thing ever.

But I just couldn’t decide. So here are four of them (at least, four of the ones I’m willing to share with the world). Which one do you think is the most embarrassing?

1) On the way to my first day at a new job, I ran over a bird with my car. I came into the office sobbing and had to call my mother.


2) There was the time when I fell flat on my back in the middle of a busy intersection. In a totally graceless, arms-and-legs-flailing kind of way. And no, there wasn’t a speck of ice or snow on the ground. I’d just had two of these at the Majestic. And I was wearing perilously high-heeled boots.

But yeah, that was still pretty humiliating. I just lay there for a moment, mostly because I couldn’t believe what had just happened. There I was! On my back, in an intersection! Hello, gaping pedestrians! Hello, Mr. Man in the Moon!


3) Or there was the time in college when I found out that my good friend’s mother had cancer. A group of us took her out for ice cream. As I popped my maraschino cherry into my mouth I remarked, “I heard on the news the other day that these things can cause cancer!”

The words left my mouth and hovered over the table. We all stared at them, awestruck. Because surely no one could have just made a flippant comment about cancer. SURELY NOT.


4) Then there was the time when I took my car to the repair shop. This always sets me on edge because I’m afraid someone will try to take advantage of me, so I compensate by trying to appear extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about spark plugs and timing belts and… catalytic converters.

So the mechanic calls me to the front to discuss the estimate. “Liz?”

I pick up my purse and stride purposefully to the counter. “Yes? Is it the defibrillator, like I suspected?”

He cheeks turn a deep pink color and he motions toward my chest.

I looked down. Three buttons on my shirt had somehow come undone. My girls were practically reaching out to shake hands with the man.

Much to the delight of everyone in the waiting room.


So, what do you think? Please tell me someone can top one of these.

Labels:

17 Comments:

Blogger Carolyn said...

Firsties, I got firsties!

#3 is the kind of thing I do ALL THE TIME.

And I have a really embarrassing story that I would be willing to share via e-mail.

I don't know if I'm brave enough to blog it.

If you really want to hear it, my mail is carolynsb@comcast.net

And if you don't, I completely understand.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

carolyn, you can't leave us hanging like that!!!! please blog it.

liz - you know mine - undressing in first grade for the Halloween parade. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. fortunately, i just took my pants off before the teacher started to look at me funny.

i think the whole spectrum of embarrassment is illustrated here:
1) remorse embarrassment
2) potentially dangerous embarrassment
3) foot-in-mouth embarrassment
4) racy embarrassment

3:50 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh my. How to pick one!

I don't know if any of mine would beat yours, but some of them could definitely match 'em.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Hee! I know Carolyn's story, but I swore I wouldn't tell. ;)

Bearette- you have categorized my embarrassment nicely. You should be a librarian!

Lisa- let's hear 'em...

4:47 PM  
Blogger E :) said...

In kindergarten I told my teacher proudly that "An octopus has eight testicles." My Mum still tells everyone about that.

5:04 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

My most embarassing moment is too long to tell here. I'll have to blog it sometime.

My vote for yours is the flippant cancer remark. I would be so horrified!

5:49 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Liz,

If you still have my e-mail, you can forward to Bearette.

I can't bring myself to blog it though. :D

9:05 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

e- that's hilarious! You poor thing. But what a mighty proud octopus he must have been!

Suzy- I know. I could't believe I said it. But we all ended up laughing (at my dumbassery), and we're still good friends today. And even better, her mom has been cancer-free for years.

Carolyn- I will. ;)

10:17 PM  
Blogger Frema said...

In college, I once told one of my girlfriends, "You wouldn't know a good man if he slapped you in the face."

Also, I used to think CCR's "Bad Moon on the Rise" included the lyrics "There's a bathroom on the right."

Out of your four, it's almost a tie between two and three, but I think three is my favorite. Definitely sitcom material.

12:02 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

I believe I actually can. See, I'd just moved to Virginia. Our house was just finished being built and there was not yet any carpet in my room nor had the furniture arrived. I slept on a mattres on the floor. Anyway, the day before I started school - the new guy - I got my hair cut. The woman that did it wasn't so hot. She took a HUGE chunk of hair off my head and left me with a bald-spot. That night, I slept really badly, on the floor.

So, the next morning when I attended high school for the very first time, I arrived with my head stuck at a severe angle, unable to move, with a bald spot. They were convinced I arrived on the short bus.

12:10 PM  
Anonymous crystal said...

I have to vote for #3, I think, though they all made me laugh out loud...

4:22 PM  
Blogger Elsa said...

Those are good ones!

I'm like you in that I ponder away "what is the MOST..." And if I think of something and then think of something that is more "MOST" than what I answered, I feel bad that I didn't respond back with the actual "MOST". Does any of this even make sense?

In terms of most embarrassing moment...I don't know. I've had little embarrassing moments, but nothing that jumps out as most embarrassing...or I blocked it out of my mind because it was so traumatic ;)

10:04 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Well, let's see . . . I have one similar to Bearette's: I was in girl scouts and we had gone to a local pool to go swimming. I somehow forgot that I had my swimsuit on under my clothes and started to completely undress on the bleachers. I got my swimsuit half off before someone pointed out what I was doing! Fortunately, I wasn't yet developed, so there wasn't much to see.

Or the time I was rushing to get somewhere and tripped, falling face first into an intersection in downtown DC. During rush hour.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

nice quote from aurora leigh! i had to look that one up.

lisa's embarrassments fall into categories #2 and #4.

in "you, me and dupree" there's a librarian character who has a bumper sticker that says "do the dewey".

:)

3:09 PM  
Blogger kj said...

liz, i'd say 1 and 4 are pretty evenly tied.

thanks for a good thing to think about. my most embarrassing moment is too long to explain, but it involved doing a good deed (delivering my neighbor's 6 am paper to her front door) and a bad result (shattering her entire glass front door.)she wasn't pleased...

i'm enjoying your stories alot.

kj

10:30 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Ummm...I ran away from MC Hammer and my father told everyone on the street about it.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Thanks for making me feel better, guys. Some of you made me feel a whole lot better, but I won't single anyone out. ;)

Bearette- I'll have to find a bumper sticker like that one. I can put it next to my DOG IS LOVE sticker.

1:37 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home