Oops, I Did It Again, But Very Slowly And Intentionally This Time.
Then he let me go, and I vowed to relax already, no matter how hellish the DC are traffic may get.
And I did! Truly. For the past three years, commuting has been a much calmer exprerience. Sure, I still cried once or twice when people were nasty for no reason, but the general hatred was gone. And committing myself to books-on-CD really helped, I must say. Now when someone honks at me I'm all, "QUIET! Aron is just about to find out that his mother, Cathy/Catherine/Kate, is a total prostitute! And in despair he will join the army WITHOUT CAREFULLY THINKING ABOUT IT FIRST."*
But today, I slipped.
Time: 5:45 p.m.
Destination: Home sweet home.
I had just gotten off the highway. Soon after, I have to quickly merge two lanes to the left in order to make the next left turn. Traffic was backed up, but I saw an opportunity to merge. I put on my blinker, waved thanks to the guy who was letting me in, and started to move over.
But the traffic was backed up, and the car in front of me stopped two cars lengths away from the car in front of him, as many drivers inexplicably do.
(Why do they do this? WHY?)
(Oh, right. It's inexplicable.)
This meant that I couldn't complete my lane change. The rear of my car was partially blocking the right lane for oh, approximately three seconds, while the traffic up ahead started to move again.
One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three--
A huge SUV in the right lane hit the horn lengthily behind me. He whipped his car around mine, pulled up next to me, leaned out the window, and yelled,
"MOVE YOUR ASS!"
So undeserved was this verbal assault, I turned slowly toward him with my mouth open in suprise.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" he screamed.
He was old enough to be my father. Expensive, shiny SUV. Shirt and tie. Graying hair and wire-rimmed glasses. Screaming obscenities at a woman with a DOG IS LOVE bumper sticker on her car.
Mouth still open, I very calmly cocked my head to the left, lifted my hand, and slowly extended my middle finger as far as it would go.
I thought his eyes were going to explode.
Traffic was moving again, so I again waved thanks to the car that let me in and continued down the road. This asshole crept along beside me so he could continue to scream at me, hanging out the window the entire time. Suffice it to say that the main themes were "fuck you" and "bitch".
Guess he wasn't in such a great big hurry after all.
Upon entering my neighborhood, even the sight of more young Mormons patrolling my street wasn't enough to wipe the grin off my face. I even hung around in front of the house for a few minutes, chatting with a neighbor and tempting fate, but the boys on bikes didn't approach me.
I took this as a sign.
A sign that God gave me a nice, long middle finger for a reason.
*one of my favorite books