Thursday, August 03, 2006

Don't drink and... do anything else.

I just did something really disgusting.

And stupid. Not as stupid as the time I acidentally sent a cheeky email to my company's president, but pretty close.

My husband was washing dishes. I picked up a wineglass from the counter, poured some Chardonnay, and went up to the office to get online. It's dark, as I usually prefer to keep the lights off while I surf the web. Don't tell my mother.

I take my glass in hand.

Sniff, sniff. Hmm... this wine smells... different.

I take a stronger sniff.

Do I detect hints of citrus?

Sniff.

Yes, definitely citrus.

Lemon, maybe? Pineapple?

Sniff.

Yes, definitely lemon. It's got a nice, golden hue. Maybe comes from a warmer climate? And... hmm. That's strange. It's a bit... foamy.

Just as I'm about to shoot an email to Robin Garr and tell him that he should totally hire me to write the 30 Second Wine Advisor, I take a sip.

GAAAAAAAAAAH!

Oh, ick! Ack! GACK!

My sophistcated palate detects the unmistakable flavor of lemon Joy dishwashing soap.

I race downstairs, gagging. M looks alarmed.

"AAAAAAAAA!!! Did you put soap in this glass?"

M nods. "I was washing it." He peers closely at the murky yellow contents. "Did you drink that? That's disgusting!"

"But... but... you saw me take the glass! You saw me pour wine in it!"

"No, I didn't."

"I did it right in front of you!"

He shakes his head. "I didn't see you."

I look at him in amazement. "But I was standing right here."

"I'm sorry," he says, and he really does look sorry. "I guess it didn't register."

After I gag over the bathroom sink, wipe my brow, and collect myself, I walk calmly back into the kitchen. As I reach into the cabinet for a new, decidedly clean wineglass, M shakes his head in amazement.

"I thought drinking dish soap chardonnay would have ruined you for at least 24 hours."

"You know what they say," I answer, filling my glass. "You have to get right back on the horse."

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14 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

Hee...i can beat that, though. i saw an exercise in a book called "cool yoga tricks", written by a teacher. she said everyone loved this trick. so i badgered d until he did the trick with me (though he didn't feel it was wise). it involved him sitting on my lower back and pulling on my arms as i clasped my hands behind my head.

was my back fine before i did this?
yup.

am i suffering a lower back pain relapse?
yup.

i swear, i want to burn that book.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh no!

I totally would have had the second glass of wine, too. Much like I totally drank two glasses of Comfort and Coke, even after realizing that it tastes like expired cough syrup.

We are hopeless. :-)

11:50 PM  
Blogger Elsa said...

Oooooo...gross! It probably wasn't even a very good year for Lemon Joy :)

Good for you for not giving up...not giving in...and getting back on that horse ;)

12:35 AM  
Blogger kj said...

this girl can write.

1:05 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

That's the attitude. Get right back in the saddle!

9:24 AM  
Blogger New Mezger said...

I googled "blunking" after reading Lisa's blog and your blog was the second "answer" that came up.

Just thought I'd let you know, because I said (out loud at work, mind you), "I know her!"

11:31 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

NM- that's hilarious! Just the sort of thing I always hoped I'd be famous for.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

That last bit made me laugh. Why are you so funny? Why have we not gotten wine together? Huh?! Answer me!

1:36 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Even better is when your significant other has been using his beer can to spit his chew in, and you, unaware, come up and take a big swig of what you think is beer. Shudder.

11:00 PM  
Blogger kitkat said...

Am I the only one amazed that your husband was the one washing the dishes while you were calmly drinking wine? Sounds like a perfect setup you have going :)

I'm still laughing at Elsa's "good year for Lemon Joy" comment.

9:45 PM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

At least it wasn't pine flavoured! And Carolyn...I think that's even grosser!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

hehe...i like your preference for lemon Joy over pine.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bearette- so sorry about your back. You'll have to pay another visit to your trusty chiro, huh?

Lisa- onward blunkers!

Elsa- Hee! Yes, 2006 was a very good year.

KJ- thanks ;)

RC- you would have done the same, no doubt!

Heather- you're on! You bring the Shiraz. :)

12:00 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Carolyn- oh, ick!!! At least it was your beloved's spit.

kitkat- he's a very good husband. And he washes a mean dish. :)

vk-- I agree, pine would have been even less palatable!

12:55 PM  

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