Thursday, August 17, 2006

Time for something serious.

Enough with the heart-wrenching tales. An important function is fast-approaching, and I need shoe advice.

I have a dress! And I also have some shoes. But I'm not so very certain about the shoes.

But first, here's the dress:

It's a strapless, navy blue a-line with silver thread in the design across the bottom. I looked for navy strappy sandals for four months, and guess what?

They don't exist.

So I decided to go with silver. And here's where I need some help.

I already bought these:

But I saved the receipt, because these are coming in the mail tomorrow:

Don't worry, I get free return shipping if I choose to send them back. (confidential to Liz + Zappos = LOVE 4 EVA) (+ BFF!!!!!)

So, whaddayathink? I realize that to give you a truly accurate picture of the ensemble I should take pictures of myself wearing the dress and both pairs of shoes, but my husband isn't here to play photographer and I don't have any full-length mirrors.

(I know! How do I ever know that I look okay from the waist down?)

(my dog tells me. he's generous with the compliments and harsh when he needs to be, and I love him for it.)

So help me out. Please. It has to be one or the other, due to fast-approaching deadline, and I'm at a total loss. The rejected pair will be returned immediately, because I also bought these totally unnecessary black heels just because my husband loves high heels that have ankle straps and a tiny little back to them. And because he's a good man, I like to surprise him:

And now, friends, it's time for the Little Shoe of Horrors. Avert your eyes if you have a weak stomach.

A couple of weeks ago I purchased this velvet blazer in chocolate brown from a catalog:

I bought a pair of matching shoes from the same catalog, because they looked adorable on the model.


Okay, here are the shoes:

Not so bad, right? A 2-inch wedge heel with a faux flower on the toe. Cute!

Not so much:

What the hell IS that? This doesn't look like any flower I've ever seen in nature. And what's with the enormous stamen protruding from the center? You could hit golf balls off that thing.

(is it just me?)

Alex goes in for a closer look and almost impales his eyeball on the gigantic, phallic stamen:

"BUTT UGLY. Not to mention dangerous."

Thanks, Boo. I'm sending them back tomorrow, minus free return shipping. Bah.

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Blogger Bearette24 said...

you are right...what's the deal? i've never seen a stamen like that. (and never thought i'd use the word stamen in a blog comment.)

i like the silver shoes on top the best.

9:10 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Yes, I am all about using the words "phallic" and "stamen" now.

Thanks for the vote! :)

9:16 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

I like both, but if I MUST choose, it would have to be the strappy ones on the bottom. Of course if I was choosing for me, it would be the more sturdy ones on the top (since I'm not too steady in heels).

And what's with all this phallic talk again?

That is one fuh-reaky flower (if you can even call it that). Can you just remove it from the shoe, because the rest of it is super cute.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

My daughter thinks Alex is a cutie. Thought you might want to know. :)

10:14 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

roxanne- tell your daughter thanks, and that alex is always happy to be adored.

also, the strappy black ones are staying no matter what (unless they too arrive with a hideous flower attached). I'm just trying to decide between the silver options...

10:20 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

or were you talking about the second pair of silvers? if so, that makes one vote for the first pair, one vote for the second.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Sta said...

I think some people -- not me -- could pull off the brown shoes. But I'd be sending them back, too.

And I also like the top pair of silver shoes best.

11:18 PM  
Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...


What size shoe do you wear? Because I have a pair of strappy navy heels....

I bought them at Nordy's two years ago and I think I wore them only once, at my bridal shower.

11:56 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

ooh, ooh! Free shoes from blogger friends. I want in on that one!

Just to clarify, I was voting for the second pair (I even kept on scrolling up and down from the dress to the shoes to make sure I had made the right choice). I think I may have to go shoe shopping now. ;)

12:03 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

I know nothing about women's shoes. Basically, this is a really useless comment. But I wanted to say hi. So...hi! :-)

8:30 AM  
Blogger New Mezger said...

Am I too late to vote?! I like the first pair.

I have a friend who could pull off the ugly shoes with much style and look like a hottie. I however, would look like I had a piece of poo on each foot.

10:59 AM  
Blogger New Mezger said...

OH, and I gasped when I saw that dress. I LOVE it!

11:00 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I kind of like the brown shoes despite the crazy ass flower. It gives them character.

I know, you think I have poor taste now. It's ok.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Frema said...

I like the second silver pair best. A little more fun.

Also, that dress kicks @$$.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

You are so funny.

Am I too late to vote? Probably!

I liked the second pair of silvers. They're more discreet and they would nicely complement the dress.

The first pair look like they might overwhelm the dress.

11:27 AM  
Blogger New Mezger said...

Carolyn's right...the first pair might overwhelm the dress. I change my vote to the second pair.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Okay... so far I think we have two votes for the first pair of silver shoes, four votes for the second, and a useless but friendly comment from Rude Cactus. ;)

I also have an offer of some strappy navy heels in size 8 from Texas (Bdogg actually emailed me pictures of them! and she has great taste!!) and a vote for the brown shoes from Heather B. You don't have poor taste, Heather. My pictures just don't do justice to the hideousness that is the toe flowers. The ones in the catalog didn't have have stamens that were nearly so prominent and phallic.

(I put in that last phallic just for you, Roxanne...)

3:10 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

You have a lot of phallic stuff on your blog, Liz. :P

4:47 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

My nephew drew me a birthday cake with a very phallic candle on it ;)

5:52 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'm seeing Pictionary: The Phallic Edition coming soon...

6:37 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

See what happens when I don't check your comments for a couple of days? Mayhem!!!

Although I must say, I like the idea of the Phallic Edition of Pictionary (I was wondering when you would get back to that by the way!).

Also, I think that since I was the first one that voted for the second pair, I may have influenced the voting a bit. Also, I think that the glass of red wine I had tonight is influencing my commenting.

3:28 AM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

I like all the shoes, except for the phallic pair. The first pair of silver shoes remind me of Marilyn Monroe, so I'm thinking a more whooshy dress is in order. The second pair look perfect to accent the silver trim of your dress. The black pair are divine!

11:49 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

ALAS, I must wear the first pair! When I tried to walk in the second pair my pinky toes kept escaping from between the straps. They're just not a good fit for my feet.

The first pair will have to do, but I'll always have the feeling that the perfect pair is still somewhere out there...

12:04 PM  
Blogger MsCellania said...

The first pair are better for alot of standing and dancing. And that was just confirmed when I read your comments and you had posted about the toe problem. Must have alot of toe support if there is no back. How do I know? PAIN is a great teacher!

Those brown shoes? Not so great. In fact, rather nasty little hoofers. But a great idea, ya know, on paper.

I have added your annoying kids gripe on my latest post. Thanks! It may just keep growing, as other's chirp in on the subject.

11:23 AM  

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