Thursday, September 07, 2006

Except that in my fantasy, my dream date had short hair.

I was in sixth grade when my best friend Mary Anne and I swore each other to secrecy and penned descriptions of our dream dates in our diaries. They were way cliché, but sweet in the way that only a 12-year old's dreams of ultimate romance can be.

Mine involved the obvious dinner at a nice restaurant, a walk on a darkened beach afterward, and the presentation of a single red rose. However, I did note that my dream date would probably drive-- and I quote-- "something old but reliable... like an '82 Honda."

I also fantasized that on my first date with my future husband (of course he's my future husband), our easy yet intimate dinner conversation would enter a comfortable lull and we would look meaningfully into each other's eyes and I would know, just know, and I would murmur, "Where have you been all my life?" and then he would kiss me tenderly over the table without singeing his ears on flame of the white tapered candle.

I was seventeen when I first met my husband in our local public library. He's been right here all my life, so I never got to use my fabulous, totally original line.

The last person I dated before M was a guy named Jim. He was older and therefore appealing. We were together for about a year, but I knew it was just for fun. I mean, seriously-- for my birthday he treated me to three hours of Monty Python.

I'm sorry. I know lots of people love Monty Python, but it's just not my kind of humor. I guess the three-hour-long blank look on my face didn't communicate that, because Monty Python stayed on the television until the very bitter end, and then he wanted to make out in honor of the glorious day of my birth.

The end came one sunny spring afternoon. We had spent another afternoon studying (read: making out) together in his bedroom. I finally stood up, grabbed my chemistry book, and announced that I had to get home. He pulled me into another embrace. I looked down and saw the textbook sandwiched there between us.

And it came to me. The BEST. JOKE. EVER.

You know what I said, right? Right?

"Hey, look!" I exclaimed, pointing to the book. "We've got chemistry between us!"

And I broke into peals of laughter, stopping only when I realized that he hadn't.

He didn't laugh. Not a chuckle, not even an appreciative snort. He just stared at me like he couldn't figure out why I was cracking up.

Maybe it was revenge for my rejection of Monty Python?

Anyway, I knew that was the end. Because the only thing I love better than laughing at a good joke is laughing at my own good joke. And I'm not embarrassed that I usually laugh the loudest, but I don't like to do it alone.

A few months later I met M. He was older and had just returned from living in London, and therefore he was very appealing.

Plus I just had this funny feeling about him.

Eventually M gave me that dinner at a nice restaurant and the walk on a darkened beach afterward. We got there in his ancient Honda Civic. But instead of a single red rose, I got my engagement ring.

After I tearfully accepted (did you doubt that I cried?), he yelled to some passing people, "I LOVE THIS WOMAN SO MUCH THAT I JUST ASKED HER TO MARRY ME!"

And the people cheered, and I thought, Whee!

AND-- just to be completely honest-- I also quickly prayed that we wouldn't drop the ring in the sand and have to spend the night on the beach in order to mark the spot.

On the way back to our hotel we got pulled over by the police for driving 28 mph in an endangered squirrel zone. Squirrels. I only wish I were kidding about that.

But not to worry-- at least I was with someone who laughed as hard as I did. And I'm not talking about the police.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

i can't believe you met him when you were 17!! i met d when i was 23...not that much older, i s'pose.

i don't get monty python either, though my brother used to quote him ad nauseam. and my cousin briefly had a python named monty ;)

11:21 PM  
Blogger New Mezger said...

I love that story. Not only because I dated a boy named Jim who was a dud, but because you have a fun AND romantic story involving your husband!!

My husband proposed to me in his living room two days AFTER we returned from ASIA!!! For some silly reason, I thought a proposal in front of Tokyo's Imperial Palace would've made a great engagement.

I love your story. It made me smile. :o)

Also - Monty Python...not that funny!

11:22 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

i realized monty python is really a "them", so i shouldn't have said "him"...shows how not into them i am :D

and i dated a guy named jim who was a dud!

12:44 AM  
Blogger Frema said...

What a great story. I totally would have laughed at your chemistry joke.

Also, Luke is six years older than me; the boyfriend before him, seven. What is it about older men that makes them so damn attractive?

6:39 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bearette- we were friends for a while first, but yes, I was 17 when we met.

My parents can beat that- they knew each other in elementary school. They got engaged when they were 19.

What's up with all the duds named Jim?

(Note to self: if you ever have a son, do not name him Jim)

8:42 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

That's a great story. And how could anyone not laugh about "chemistry between us?" Oh, and I was unaware of endangered squirrels. That's just odd ;-)

8:47 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Since M and I met in the library (where I worked at the time), we joked about having our wedding there. We envisioned walking together through the 300's, where there are lots of books on love and marriage, to a waiting officient at the reference desk.

The reception, of course, would have been in the quiet reading room. Just to be rebellious.

8:49 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Oh my gosh, I love that story! Even the add-on here about possibly having the reception in the quiet reading room. I don't know how Jim couldn't have laughed at that joke.

Oh, and I'm with an older man too. lol

9:32 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I'm not sure which is worse: That I've never seen anything Monty Python ever or that you watched many hours of Monty Python and didn't laugh. Hmm?

10:13 AM  
Blogger Ron_F said...

great story, but cheesy joke! It's a good thing you didnt try to use THE FUNNIEST JOKE EVER TOLD on Jim, but he would have laughed just before expiring! ... oh yeah, you didn't get Python. Oh well.

Roxanne and I never had that perfect romantic moment like your date, although she will comment and prove me wrong very soon.

Little did Roxanne know that our lives would eventually lead to the 616.8585 shelf.

(me, saying hi and delurking)

1:39 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Heather- the latter is much, much worse.

Ron, I think most of us visit the 616.8585 at some point. Thanks for saying hi!

p.s. I had to Google THE FUNNIEST JOKE EVER TOLD. Jim would be disappointed.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

What a great story!

I liked your chemistry joke.

If squirrels wouldn't run out in the road like idiots, they wouldn't be endangered.

7:38 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Um yeah, I think we've had a least a FEW romantic moments.... (he just forgets obviously)

That would have been a really cute wedding. Sounds like another Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie to me. ;)

11:38 PM  
Blogger Reighnie said...

I don't get Monty Python either. Literally, I can't understand ONE word. I've tried really hard. It's just a bunch of gibberish to my ears. Which is weird because I have family members who speak spanish so fast it's like over before it started and I know what they are saying.

Anyway, I would have got the chemistry joke.

Oh and my guy is 10 years older. They've always been older...never younger or even my age.

5:00 PM  

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