Saturday, September 16, 2006

A Short History

Let's be honest. Do you have an item of clothing that should have gone to the dumpster a long time ago, but with which you cannot bear to part?

Meet mine:

My beloved denim shorts, purchased in 1993 and worn faithfully for 13 years. You know what that means, right? They've been with me for as long as my husband has.

This may explain his aversion to my shorts. You know, because he remembers me wearing them in high school and it feels a little weird.

"You're still wearing those?" (In case you're wondering, the look on his face would be mix of amusement and mild disgust.) "Go shopping! Buy some new clothes!"

I suppose many women would love to hear their husbands say this very thing. An invitation (nay, a command) to go shopping. Hallelujah!

But I love my shorts. And I don't really like shopping. Especially for shorts that will never measure up to my vintage lovelies.

Guess which finger this is.

But eventually I had to admit that they'd gotten too shabby for anything other than lounging about the house or maybe walking the dog. Every time I wore them outside I had an overwhelming suspicion that I was secretly being filmed for an ambush on What Not to Wear. Alex got pretty tired of walking behind trees and parked cars.

So I went shopping. I went to J Crew and bought a new pair of shorts.

But there was one problem.

They weren't as nice and flannely as the originals. You know what I mean-- when the denim gets so worn and soft it can curl up into a cozy little ball, like a cat.

The new ones were stiff. They felt unnatural. "They just feel like they're not 13 years old!" M argued.

To M's dismay, I went back to the originals.

Earlier this week I was pulling some laundry out of the dryer when I felt that familiar softness at my fingertips. My shorts!

The only thing better than my shorts is my shorts when they're all warm and cozy from the dryer. So I put them on. Funny, they felt a bit drafty. Oh, well. I plucked an unruly bobby pin from my hair and shoved it in the back pocket.

The next thing I felt was the bobby pin sliding down the back of my leg.


Look, there! A huge, gaping hole, where yesterday there was only the hint of a hole!

I raced upstairs to confront M.

"You did this!" I huffed. "You sabotaged my shorts because you don't like them!"

He deined it, and I supposed I have to believe him. He's never lied to me before. But I'm not completely sure. M is much more positive about the shorts now that half of my rear end is visible when I wear them.

So should I just throw them out already? Because I was thinking about patching the holes.

If they make patches that big.


Blogger Frema said...

Well, seeing that you take such awesome care of yourself, M should be thanking his lucky stars that he is married to a woman whose waist size hasn't changed since high school.

If you don't want to go shopping, just send the money my way. I'll go for you!

2:00 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I had a pair of cut off sweats that I'd worn so much I had a big hole in the crotch. I threw them out a few weeks ago before I moved. Of course, the Man was wondering why I'd throw them out! lol

I think maybe it's time to try to break in the new shorts.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

I can relate. I bought 2 new pairs of PJs recently (the ones with puppies, and a purple pair with white hearts...the hearts are just outlines, with purple inside). Anyway, I have 2 really old pajama bottoms that are baggy with age (I have to roll the tops over like Nicole & Paris Hilton shortening their skirts in high school) and they, too, have holes in the seat. Yet I can't bring myself to throw them out.

So I think patches may be the way to go ;) Or you could sew up the holes.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Maybe you could just wear them as your new "revealing" lingerie?

9:48 PM  
Blogger Reighnie said...

I have flannel pajama pants that that has happened to. It's such a sad thing. I finally threw them out a few months ago but that was after tossing them and retrieving them a few times. Isn't it pathetic?

12:51 AM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

RIP denim cutoffs...

11:38 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Wear 'em around the house till you can't anymore.

I would.

Once I had a favorite pair of shorts like that and I wore 'em till the butt came out.

I wish I'd thought of patching. Brilliant idea.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I've also had that happen to pj bottoms. And it is tragic. During my most recent move, I realized that I was still dragging around closes from high school in the delusion that (a) my body is still the same as it was XX years ago and (b) those clothes would come back into style (even though, if I were honest, they were never actually in style even when I was in high school). And, yes, sadly, some of those very clothes are here in Madison with me.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Hey! Instead of patching, I could go punk and use lots of safety pins.

That might not make for comfortable sitting, though. And I sure couldn't wear them on a plane.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I just can't bring myself to toss them... ugly as they are.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i agree with some of the others. i think its time to say goodbye!! :)

9:54 AM  
Blogger kj said...

liz, you've mixed comentary with photojouralism in the most entertaining way! i'm laughing as i write.

and i tell you from personal experience: keep the shorts, with or without patches. at least wear them at home.

or where ever.....

2:24 PM  
Anonymous buttercup said...

Oh, my gosh! I totally own those exact same shorts (truth be told I got a second pair the summer after I got the first because they were so great). They have now graduated to "home shorts," meaning I only wear them when I'm home visiting my parents in the country and most likely doing something that involves dirt...

12:09 PM  

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