Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why I was in the parking garage with a dishtowel and a razor blade yesterday morning

Time for a game! Read descriptions of two people below. Guess which one is me, and which one is my husband:

Person A:

This person gets up when the alarm goes off. He leaves plenty of time for everything he wants/needs to do. He takes the dog out, uses his weights, and makes his lunch for the day. Then he leisurely eats a bowl of cereal in front of the television, alternating between the news and MTV.

He takes a nice, long shower, then gets ready to go. He always has plenty of time for last-minute tasks: putting the trash on the curb, setting out donations for the charity pick-up van, convincing the dog to poop. When it's time to go, he walks calmly to his car, places his laptop and briefcase in the backseat, and starts the car. It's almost like he is from another planet.

He is never late for work.

Person B:

This person gets up when the alarm goes off. She leaves just enough time to get ready, down to the minute. She likes to be efficient. She cuddles with the dog for a minute, then runs downstairs to throw her salad together for lunch. She might make a quick mug of coffee or tea. Then she dashes upstairs to shower. Afterward, she puts on her body lotion while standing under the bedroom's ceiling fan, which is set to HIGH in order to speed the drying process of her hair. She listens to the daily traffic report while she applies makeup. She throws toys for the dog to fetch as she uses a blowdryer to finish off any lingering dampness in her hair.

Toothbrush in mouth, she goes to the closet to pull out clothes and shoes for the day. Then it's a race downstairs to throw her lunch into a shopping bag, kiss dog and husband goodbye, and make one last pitstop in the laundry room for clean nylons or socks. She hops to the car as she pulls her shoes on with lunch bag, work bag, and gym bag hanging from her shoulders. There is not a minute to spare. DO NOT ask her if she can stop to mail some letters on her way out. She might forget that she's balancing on one leg and fall down the stairs.

She eats fruit and dry cereal as she drives. She is rarely late for work.

Did you guess yet? Oh, wait, I should have added this part:

Person B gets the updated workplace parking sticker for her car three weeks in advance. She is feeling awesome. Totally on top of things! But then the sticker parks itself on the dining room table and stays there. For some reason it does not magically affix itself to the car! Person A drops subtle hints, such as, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PUT THAT ON YOUR CAR ALREADY?" Person B tells him not to worry, there is plenty of time!

Tuesday Morning:

Parking Sticker D-Day. Sticker, razor blade, and dish towel are thrown into lunch bag. Person B arrives at work with three minutes to spare. Plenty of time! She runs to the back of the car, scrapes the old sticker off with the razor blade, dries the rain from the glass, and affixes new sticker.

Waves hello to parking police on way into building.

Mission accomplished.


Blogger Carolyn said...

You're person A, right? :P

At least you could find the sticker! That's a plus.

12:07 PM  
Blogger verniciousknids said...

No fair, that's way too hard to guess! I need about a million more clues ;)

And how prepared are you? I'm impressed!

12:46 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I stopped when I saw that both of you get up when the alarm goes off. I don't know people like that, let alone two of them! :P

2:27 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

VK-- I'm always prepared, but down to the wire.

I'm always envious when I see people on TV enjoying the paper while they eat breakfast before work. I aspire to be like that, but it is inevitable-- I MUST RACE AROUND LIKE A LUNATIC.

There is no other way.

4:21 PM  
Blogger kj said...

wow, this is a hard one. i don't have enough clues. i need more information. hmmm. ummm. i'm just not sure...

5:04 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

I thought the razor blade and towel were because you were shaving your legs while stuck in traffic. Oh yeah, and don't forget the bandaids for those darn nicks. ;)

11:11 PM  
Blogger Suse said...

That was fun.

Can you describe the dog's morning now?

7:43 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Roxanne, you're a genius! I'll add shaving to my list of commute activities. I can put a mug of water in the cup holder for rinsing. Or if it's raining I can just hang my leg out the window.

Suse- maybe I'll tackle that next. ;)

9:12 AM  
Blogger Frema said...

I'm much like "Person B," and the killer is I have the ABILITY to be on time, but I end up spending an unnecessary ten minutes on the computer checking blogs (like right now, I'm nothing if not a creature of habit), so then it all goes to pot.

6:40 AM  

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