O Christmas Tree, Thy Leaves Are So Unchanging (and I mean this literally)
They will never, ever change. Because they are not real.
Since M and I are going to be home alone for Christmas for the first time ever, we decided we should upgrade our Christmas tree. Our old Christmas tree is a two-foot midget with bendable branches that M got as a parting gift when the florist where he worked as a delivery person went out of business.
At first we were all, Crap. Unemployment is bad.
And then we were all, Free tree! We're totally saving money!
Moments later we rejoiced again when we found a glass reindeer ornament hidden deep in the branches, because that's one more thing we don't have to buy!
I secretly hoped that one day we would get a full-sized real tree, because that's what my family always had when I was growing up. Heck, once we went out into our yard and chopped one down ourselves! And then we all stripped naked and howled at the moon because we felt so pioneer-like.
The neighbors loved that.
I've told myself annually that the reason we don't have a real tree is because we always travel and it would make no sense to buy one, only to have it wither and die while we jaunt off to Florida or Georgia or Texas or wherever the hell.
The real reason, besides all that, is that M is allergic.
So I kindly relinquished my dream of a real tree so that M could live his dream of not spending Christmas on a ventilator.
I am currently accepting nominations for Wife of the Year.
This long story is my way of announcing that we have a new fake tree, one that is 7.5 feet tall but only about 6 inches across, as we wanted something "versatile" and "not overwhelming" and that wouldn't obscure views of our many expensive antiques.
We also looked at tree skirts. Did you know that those things cost $45? I felt very grinchy when I said, "We have a green sheet at home. That will work."
So here you have it. It looks a little mangy, but maybe it will be more attractive once it's decorated. Alex is dubious.
I'm thinking of using this for our Christmas card this year:
May your fake tree be less scary than ours.