Thursday, April 26, 2007

With Kibble and Liberty for All

Come on, I posted last Friday and it's now Thursday night. Technically, that's two posts in one week.

Watch out, she's on fire.

You know, I was thinking that it would be much easier to get things done if I didn't have to spend 50 hours per week on work. Maybe I'll quit and move to a farm, where Alex can chase birds to his heart's content and I can read and cook and complete two or even three blog posts per week.

There's just one catch:

I need money for stuff.

And now I interrupt this sporadically updated blog to bring you this message from my dog, Alex, also known as the Grand Boo-Bah of the East Coast:



In the last post my mother humiliated me by telling you that
I left turds in the pack's bed. I want you to know that these
are lies and that I am running away to join an Alaskan sled team.
GOODBYE FOREVER.



What?




Okay. I'll stay, but ONLY BECAUSE SHE
JUST PUT FOOD IN MY BOWL.


Last weekend I had what was probably my most symbolic dream ever:


Mike and I were out on a playground at dusk. We were swinging and talking when suddenly I noticed something funny in the clouds. Closer and closer it came, growing larger against the darkening sky...

Liz: (frowning) Hey, what's that?


Mike: (shrugs) It's probably nothing to worry about.


Liz: I think it's the Statue of Liberty!


Mike: What? No, it can't be.


Liz: Look, she's green and holding a torch!


Mike: Holy Statue of Liberty, Batman!


And we dove into the trees just as the Statue of Liberty collided with the monkey bars and smashed into a million pieces.

Instantly, thousands of people swarmed the playground, biting, kicking, and trampling each other to secure the biggest pieces. Some would hock them on eBay, others were planning to trade them for drugs or sex. Mike and I ran from the rabid crowd, crashing through the trees. When we were alone, deep in the forest, we stopped, panting.

Liz: Look, Mike.

Under my shirt I had the Statue of Liberty's crown. We stood there, clutching it between us. We prayed feverishly that no one would steal it.

Then I woke up.

Apparently my mom doesn't have the
most optimistic view of American society.

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16 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

We love Alex, turds and all :)

At first, I thought the crown under the shirt symbolized a baby. Guess that shows where my mind (or biological clock) is ;)

10:30 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bearette- you may be correct. who knows?

10:40 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

You may not be optimistic about American society, but you're probably - sadly - correct!

I'm glad that Alex decided to stay. :)

10:45 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Maybe we could all move up to Canada with Suzy. I could get used to being a rabid hockey fan.

11:43 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Can Rowen and I join you on that farm? And can it be somewhere that doesn't get cell phone reception?

11:44 PM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

xjuseydvAlex is probably correct! But what a freaky dream!!! I'm less concerned about the Statue of Liberty's crown than the size of the shirt you were wearing!! HOLY!!

I understand the working 50 hours- a-week thing! I do that too!! Trying to come up with crap to blog about!

It's a cruel, cruel world we live in .......

My dogs say "HI Alex"!!!!

12:10 AM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

Damn those word verifications!! Damn them all to Hell!!!

12:13 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Serious- I turned off word verification just for you! Shhh... don't tell the spammers.

Suzy- would you mind looking into a Canadian farm that is big enough for Roxanne, Lisa, myself, and two dogs? Desired features: lots of birds to chase, no cell phone reception, and a gourmet kitchen.

Lisa- don't worry. If there's even a little cell reception at the farm we'll just toss our phones into my wine refrigerator. That'll shut 'em up.

8:39 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Liz, I'll have my people look into that. I'm sure the phone won't be hard to find, and the birds and lack of cell reception probably won't be bad either. There is a lot of empty land in Canada, after all. But the gourmet kitchen I'll have to work on. And a guest cabin for the Man and me. ;)

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Betsy said...

That dog is too damn cute.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

I love the way you put the words with his facial expressions!

11:35 PM  
Blogger nutmeg said...

Every time I see you comment about the blogosphere Liz, with your picture of Alex, all I think about now is constipated dogs! Maybe I could replace that mental picture now with Alex's own words from this post ;-)

2:05 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Sorry, nutmeg! But if it helps-- he wasn't constipated, he was holding it in because he was afraid of the storms we were having.

That probably helps a lot.

8:55 AM  
Blogger kj said...

i consulted an expert. this dream means you and mike will soon inherit a substantial sum of money. be on the lookout.

my expert also said it means alex wants a baby in the house. or at least diapers to redirect your attention from him to some other private matters.

last, the expert says that your having liberty's crown means you are very hopeful george bush's term will end in utter failure and things will look up.

this information is provided to you, liz, without charge, because we could be neighborhool friends...

:)

8:31 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Thanks, kj, and tell the "expert" thanks, too. ;-)

p.s. will we get enough money to buy a farm?

8:54 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Holy crap, get a farm in Hinton!!!! It's beautiful and it's outside the national park, so you can buy the land!!!

6:31 PM  

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