Wednesday, June 13, 2007

You'll sleep on it and you'll like it, Mister.

Man, I am tired of talking about allergies. It’s been a constant topic of conversation on this blog and in my everyday life. Shut up, SHUT UP! I tell myself, and then I start talking about my fucking Nasonex again.

If I may analyze myself (and I always do), I think the preoccupation is due to the fact that I was raised by a father who never had allergies in any shape or form, and he couldn’t understand WHY my mother, brother and I were always sneezing and squinting through pinkish, watery eyes for nine months of the year.

So now that I finally have proof that I do indeed have a serious medical issue, one that has been tested and documented in an official-looking file? I feel vindicated. I am not of weak constitution; it’s not all in my head. I'm a football player who's scored a touch down and will not stop dancing obnoxiously in the end zone.

So let me just get it out of my system in one big sweep:


Dear Dad:

I am very allergic. To many things. Pills and sprays and drops and neti pots are required. Sometimes my eyes swell shut in a very unattractive way. But I do not blame you, since I inherited this from mom. I just want you to know that I have suffered.

Sincerely,
Liz

p.s. My allergist said that moving all over the country as an Air Force brat probably didn’t help. Again, I do not blame you.

p.p.s. I am enclosing a copy of my test results. Peruse at your leisure.


Next!

Let’s talk about Crate and Barrel. I ordered a new bedspread from their website. This goes against every fiber of my being, because typically I would never buy something online (thereby incurring a shipping fee) when there is a real, brick-and-mortar location nearby. Unless there is some incredible discount to be had, which in this case, there wasn't.

But... I don’t know. I didn’t feel like driving there and fighting the traffic and finding a parking space and god almighty, I really am of weak constitution.

So I ordered the bedspread and two matching pillow shams, both of which said IN STOCK on the website. Soon thereafter I received an email saying that they were sending the pillow shams, but the bedspread was on BACKORDER.

Grumble.

I waited a week and the pillow shams arrived. I waited another week and still the bedspread status was BACKORDER. I'm a glutton for punishment, so I called customer service.

“Well,” the associate said. “We can’t tell you exactly when it will be available, we have to go through a process to determine that, but I’ll have someone call you in the next few days.”

No call. Another two weeks go by.

Grumble, grumble.

So I bit the bullet and planned to go to the Crate and Barrel store this Friday, where I would cancel the bedspread order, return the shams, and start from scratch. “Oh good,” my husband said. “I didn’t really like the color, anyway.”

“Well!” I said. “Nice of you to tell me a month later!”

So of course I open my email this morning and find a message from Crate and Barrel.

Good news!

The bedspread you’ve been waiting a month for, the one your husband doesn’t even like, is on its way! Congratulations! And by the way, we’re charging you twenty bucks for shipping, which is more than it would have cost you to drive to the store, which you will now have to do anyway if you want to return the bedspread. Dummy.

p.s. We are sick of you and your fucking allergies. Check out our website for coordinating throw pillows.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Veronica Mitchell said...

Amazing how they knew all that about you. Must be part of their "process."

3:31 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

That didn't work out too well, huh?

It's true, people without allergies don't get it.

5:06 PM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

Well, that was rude of them!! Sounds as if they have been stalking your profile!

Another anti-allergy aid is a GOOD vacuum cleaner!! I jusy bought a Dyson and what a difference!! I vacuumed with my Oreck and then with the Dyson!! Holy Crap!! Filled it up TWICE!! And the sneezing and watery eyes are all but gone!

Anyhow, something to think about!

Two days til the weekend!!!
Bob~

3:51 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Crate and Barrel really takes the personal approach, don't they? lol

11:16 AM  
Blogger Janet M Kincaid said...

Doesn't that just figure? Love Crate & Barrel, but damn them!

Although... I wonder if they have a remedy for your allergies?? It could happen, you know!

9:46 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

It's worth the shipping costs to me sometimes too. It depends on how high they are.

I hope that is a dust mite repelling bedspread.

1:45 AM  

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