Friday, July 06, 2007

Multiple Choice

This morning’s alarm shattered a dream in which I was desperately trying to scream at someone who had wronged me, but I couldn't because my mouth was stuffed with lettuce.

(and if you want to pile rage upon rage, try playing Yo Mama while scarfing the biggest salad you’ve ever seen.)

What does this mean?

a) Mike and I recently went to the farmer’s market and bought staggering amounts of kale, arugula, and spinach.

b) I’m growing weary of all the asshole drivers around here.

c) You're not an asshole, though. I’m sure you're fabulous and are not one of those people who graduated from Fuck U and plays Hot Wheels on the highway.

d) I am feeling hindered by my vegetarianism.

e) Okay, I’m really a pescetarian (since I eat seafood), but no one knows what that means.

f) And even when I think I’m keeping it simple by saying I’m vegetarian, someone asks, “But you eat chicken, right? No? What about turkey? No? What about the sweet, tender brains of live baby lambs?”

g) I want to sleep with my father.

h) I want to sleep with a bunch of romaine.



Blogger Frema said...

I dreamt that I was making out with one of the actors from All My Children. I've never fantasized about him awake, but this is the second time I've dreamt about him, so apparently my subconscious saw something it liked.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

I've heard people call it pesco-vegetarian. It's supposed to be the healthiest diet, but I can't get into it b/c i'm not into fish.

I bet (a) is the key.

3:02 PM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

I'm thinking it's a combination of (a) and (b) with just a touch of (h) thrown in for good measure.

Now, my latest dream involved finding Mrs Serious in bed with that Bear Grylls guy from the Discovery Channel show 'Man vs Wild'!! There was a knife, a water bottle and a flint on the nightstand. Disturbing... if you've seen the show.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

Oh! Oh! This is fun! Ummm... I choose (d). If it were me, personally, though, the answer would be (b) and (c).

As an aside, (f) totally cracks me up. I went to Greece a couple of years ago with my vegetarian friend, and all of the Greek waiters asked her those same questions.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Veronica said...

I vote H. But you subconsciously have to murder your radicchio first.

I have a friend who is a pesce-ovo-lacto-vegetarian, but no one knows what that means either.

11:20 PM  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

I love eating organic and healthy, too. But I admit when I go to the Farmer's Market my favorite booth is the one with the little oil river that produces foodgasmic little cinnamon donuts.

I like your interpretations. I'm glad I know your sense of humor because otherwise, (g) would have scared me.

12:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, this isn't about a dream. Here's a link from a NY Times article about cool librarians I thought you would like:

You might have to create an account but it's free.

7:54 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

All of the Above?

12:10 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I vote for A, B, & E. Maybe a wee bit of D and a hint of H. Or maybe the option of wanting to sleep with that hot electrician who loves his dog. Is that option I?

1:37 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

I love seafood.

Can I sleep with your father too? Maybe on a bed of lettuce?

9:41 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Caro- you'll have to check with my mom. A threesome might be more inclusive.

9:52 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Anon- thanks for the article link. I feel like I should rush out and get a tattoo to go with my non-sensible shoes...

5:33 PM  

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