Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Annoyances, continued

Dear obnoxious people who have nothing better to do than stuff my inbox with useless spam:

I realize this is all my fault. Yes, I'm a moron and I openly admit it. I visited one of those free samples sites and was sucked in by a promise of gratis shampoo in exchange for filling out a "brief" survey.

By the time I got to page 512 of the "brief" survey, my eyes were bleary and there was still no end in sight. How many times can I say that no, I am not interested in obtaining my diploma online? Or that my income is none of your damn business?

So I wearily clicked the HELL TO THE NO button and aborted the mission, figuring I could probably manage to scrape together enough money for a bottle of shampoo.

But you very cleverly secured my email address on the very first page, didn't you? When I opened my inbox the next morning, I had a giddy feeling that I would very soon be crowned Ms. Popularity. Look at all my emails! See how many people love me! Behold...

...the never-ending virtual stack of junk mail.

Thank you, really. I appreciate that you are trying to alert me to VERY IMPORTANT and possibly LIFE-CHANGING products and services.

But please be aware:

- I don't need to "lessen my burden of debt." Unless you are offering to pay my mortgage, in which case I will say a heartfelt THANK YOU, grab my snorkel gear, and fly to Australia.

- Thanks for telling me about the beach bum who made millions of dollars while working from home in his Speedo. If I ever become a Speedo-wearing beach bum, you'll be first on my notification list.

- You are so clever, you little spammer, putting my first name in the subject line like that! You totally got me! I thought for sure it was my best friend writing to tell me about the PerfectReplicaz Rolex "wach".

- I do not need a stiffy in a jiffy.

- I'm not interested in a mail-order Russian bride.

- I already have a f*ck buddy. But I'm flattered that you asked.

- Do I look like the kind of person who wishes to purchase "phat gangsta grillz"?

- I'm sorry your husband is being held captive by political adversaries, but if I had $10,000 to blow, I would not give it to you. See #1.

- A new laptop for nothing? Rarin'. Send it to me and I'll let my pet unicorn use it.

I'll close by saying thank you for giving me exactly what I asked for.




Blogger Bearette24 said...

I got that f*ck buddy one too, blaring from my inbox. Argh!

I'm curious how the Getting Rid of Matthew book is. I was kind of tempted, just have some weird associations with that name ;)

11:21 AM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

ljhqevYeah, I too fell for filling out one of those surveys, and like you I too backed out after reaching page 512 but was alas doomed! When the spam began flowing in I tagged each one as 'junk' and it was directed to my junkmail folder. Cool! But at this point my junk folder is 5 times larger than my inbox and 3/4 of my inbox is filled with spam! *sigh*

I gues the only solution is to get a new email address... and then not turn on my computer!

8:57 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I've been getting ones with a link saying that I've received an e-greeting from my son.

Funny, I didn't know I had a son. I'm not opening that e-card.

11:04 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

LMAO, stiffy in a jiffy, Hee.

And regarding your post on customer service, AMEN!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Frema said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Frema said...

I've started getting e-mails with MY OWN DAMN NAME listed as the sender. I'm spamming myself! Oh, the injustice!

10:41 AM  
Blogger Kirsty said...

LOL...thanks for cheering me up! I am not alone! It would be sooo impossible for me to get a 'stiffy in a jiffy'...but I get those spammerjammers too!

All this for "free" shampoo...and "coupons" ...ya, right!


11:25 PM  

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