Monday, August 20, 2007

Look at my StoveTop!

You can stand another traffic story, right? In fact, I'm sure you've been just dying for one.

I shan't disappoint you.

Today I was driving home after a busy and productive day at work. It wasn't a good hair day, but you can't win 'em all, you know?

Anyhow, I'm approaching an intersection with a green light when suddenly a car coming from the opposite direction tries to make a left-hand turn across three lanes, nearly causing the Lexus in front of me to broadside him. Lexus slams on his brakes and honks, I slam on my brakes, and the offending driver (let's just call him Idiot) slams on his brakes.

Here's a graphic, in case you're having trouble picturing it:

Lexus proceeds. I proceed. As soon as Lexus goes by, Idiot tries to make his surprise left turn again and I nearly broadside him.

I simultaneously slam on my brakes and honk. Idiot slams on his brakes.

I proceed.

Then he turns in front of me again. And yes, you guessed it, I almost hit him. Again.

The cherry on this traffic sundae was when he flipped me the bird.

I laughed. I had to laugh, you know? But this kind of shit really wears you down after a while. I always feel like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes. I'm thinking of the scene at the grocery store where the punky teenage boy bumps into her and Bates politely says, "Oh! Excuse me!" and the kid snarls, "Screw you!" and Kathy runs after him into the parking lot and cries, "Why are you being so mean to me? I don't understand!" and then her wet paper grocery bag breaks and the StoveTop Stuffing box falls into a puddle and she can do is sob, "Look at my StoveTop!"

Then I fantasized about moving to Florida.

In other news, here's what I cooked this weekend: vegetarian lasagna, stuffed bell peppers, and Mediterranean Succotash. Yes, all for one meal, and no, we weren't having company for dinner. It's an illness, folks. I CAN'T STOP. Please come rescue us before we are eligible to float down the street in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Non-vegetarians who eat this lasagna are usually surprised by how good a meatless lasagna can be and frequently ask for the recipe. Unfortunately, it's all in my head, and the recipe is a little different each time. This version featured zucchini, spinach, portobello mushrooms, Roma tomatoes, garlic, onion, carrots, soy crumbles, and fat-free cottage cheese in place of ricotta.

By the time our paltry little family of two makes it through this huge pan of lasagna, I doubt we'll be craving it again any time soon. But if anyone is interested, I'll try to note the method and ingredients (and perhaps take some pictures) next time around. Not like it's that hard... I mean, lasagna is almost impossible to mess up. But if you want it, I'm willing.

I live to serve. Just don't flip me the bird unless I deserve it, okay?

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Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...

I prefer vegetarian lasagna over meat-filled lasagna any day. It just tastes better to me.

Oh, and I love your use of "shan't" in this post. It's so Laura Ingalls of you....which reminds me, it's nearly time to read "The Long Winter" again!!

We should read it at the same time and have a dorked-out book club discussion... :)

7:38 PM  
Blogger Liz said...


Not to abuse a wooden swear, but HECK yes, we should have a dorked-out book club discussion!

And you comparing me to Laura Ingalls has made my life complete. I can now die peacefully and without regret.

7:40 PM  
Blogger bdogg_mcgee said...

Woo! And we should eat vanity cakes and drink cambric tea. :)

(Yes, I am combining foodstuffs of two different books together, but coarse brown bread doesn't seem that appealing for a book club discussion)

8:17 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Salt pork! Salt pork!

8:32 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

Geez, the nerve of some people! Thank goodness Idiot didn't hit you. I would have flipped him the bird right back.

Mmmm, stuffed bell peppers... my mouth is watering.

10:18 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Vanity cakes sound yummy :)

For some reason I always remember the herd of locusts from those books. It struck me as surreal at the time.

2:01 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

I love your traffic stories. You tell the best ones.

9:55 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Liz, I don't know how you stand it. I'd probably give myself a stroke trying not to yell at all the stupid people driving there.

11:33 AM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

That Mediterranean Succotash sounds and LOOKS wonderful. If you wouldn't mind I would love to have that lasagna recipe! You can either post it or mail it HERE:

Happy driving!!!

3:13 PM  
Blogger Suse said...

So you're in the middle of a huge cooking bash too huh?

We should freeze half each and do a swap. Yeah! Trans-global potluck!

8:50 PM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

I swear that everyone loses their minds on the highway!

9:41 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Trans-global potluck! I LIKE IT.

Cooking is my hobby, but what I've been doing for the past few months is cooking a gigantic meal on Sundays, enough to serve as dinner for (most of) the rest of the week. Mike does the shopping, I do the cooking. Then we can relax on weeknights.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Serious- next time I make the lasagna, I'll take careful notes and then post the recipe here. Mike could probably eat lasagna every night of his life, but I need a bit more time in between repeat dishes. :)

8:50 AM  
Blogger nejyerf said...

because i'm a dork too...anybody that loves laura ingalls is a friend of mine.

if my memory serves me correctly....vanity cakes....on the banks of plum creek? a party with nellie oleson?

12:33 PM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

Sounds good to me. Thanks Liz!

9:00 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

nejyerf- you will most definitely have to join our dorked-out book club.

Don't you love how Bdogg and I are giddily anticipating our first 2007 reading of The Long Winter and it's still August?

Dorks unite!

9:23 AM  

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