Wednesday, August 29, 2007

You guys asked for it

I was thoroughly prepared to do a 180 and transform my recently cranky writing into the Magic Blog of Positivity and Light, but then you told me that you like my acerbity!

(BabelBabe also said that she likes my stained shirt, so I smeared some mustard on my jammies before I started typing this.)

And anyhow, I don't go on vacation for another few days, so I can still blame my crabbiness on burn-out.

Work has been mind-blowingly busy for the past two weeks and by the time I get home (late) I'm too exhausted to do more than blow a sloppy kiss in the general direction of my husband and fall into bed.

Bring on the Guinness!

(By the way, I think Mike is terrified of going to Ireland with me, given my penchant for imitating mannerisms and accents. He is pretty much banking on dying of embarrassment on the first day of the trip.)


(I can't help it!)

I've recently finished a typically light chick lit read called Getting Rid of Matthew. The plot goes like this: Helen has affair with married, older boss (Matthew) for four years. Helen wants Matthew to leave his wife (Sophie. Why do these British novels always have a character named Sophie?) So one day, without warning, he does so, and moves himself into Helen's flat. And then what happens? She decides that she no longer wants him, and thus the book's title.

And this reminds me of something that I've never understood: Why, when someone discovers a partner's philandering ways, does so much of the resulting rage so often seem to be disproportionately directed at the lover-on-the-side?

(this really doesn't happen so much in the book. Without giving too much away, Sophie is angry with Helen for sure, but she also recognizes her husband's role. The book just reminded me of this recurring thought.)

You and your partner are the ones who share vows or commitments. The lover-on-the-side does not. Right?

Aren't I great at taking a very complex emotional situation and breaking it down into a two-sentence resolution?

Feckin' eejit.

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Blogger Lisa said...

I've never understood why someone would want to be with a person who has a proven record of being a lying, cheating louse.

10:24 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

That kind of reminds me of the double standard of a young girl getting pregnant and people saying it's her fault and the boy has no blame in the situation.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

I think it's too hard to direct pure rage at a spouse. Even if you've cheated on them, I'm sure there's still some love there. Whereas the 3rd party is a blank slate, and therefore an easier target.

Not that I've been in this situation :)

I'm also interested in How to Talk to a Widower, but was turned off by the title. Hmm, I think I see a trend. If you like it, let me know :)

12:59 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

I thought you said you were terrible at book reviews? ;)

Have a feckin' great time in ye old Aar-land!

1:48 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Bearette- I think you're exactly right.

And thanks a feckin' lot, Roxanne!

1:50 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

Maybe I'm weird, but I never get mad at the third party when someone cheats on me. I reserve my anger for my future ex/former significant other. Perhaps it's different when you're married, though -- I wouldn't know.

4:55 PM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

I love your writing just the way it is so stay feckin' cranky, lass!

My niece just returned from Ireland where she spent her honeymoon. She wishes she had seen more but I guess they spent alot of time in the room! EEJITs!!

7:12 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Serious- you made me laugh out loud on a day when I really needed it. Thanks!

I'll stay feckin' cranky just for you, lad.

Kay- sounds like interesting blog material! The "cheatee's" reaction probably depends on lots of variables. (is 'cheatee' even a word? what the heck do you call it-the betrayed? I'm stumped.)

3:36 PM  
Blogger Caffeinated Librarian said...

I can't speak to the cheating husband thing, having never been married. But the cheating boyfriend, unfortunately THAT I have some experience with.

Bearette is right - it's easier to get made at the woman (who you think squat of) as opposed to the guy who you loved and for whom you have conflicted feelings after you find out about the cheating. I think this is particularly true early on, when you're still reeling from the betrayal and shame of it. All that anger has got to go somewhere and sending it towards the woman is the "path of least resistance." It's irrational, but then feelings often are.

Now if, as time goes by, you only blame her and don't realize what a shit he is for cheating, THEN you've got a problem. My take is that at least YOU are rid of the loser - she still has to deal with him. And odds are he's going to cheat on her too.

Karma. Gotta love it.

That said, I disagree with Kay. Women are adults and know damn well when they are helping someone else hurt a third party. Perhaps they just don't give a damn...but I doubt anyone is going to hand them any "Thanks for making the world a better place!" medals for THAT.

9:37 PM  

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