Friday, November 16, 2007


Time: Thursday night, 11:45 p.m.
Place: Mike and Liz's bathroom.
Ooooh! Is something kinky going to happen?: No.

Mike has just helped Liz stumble sleepily upstairs after her three-hour snooze on the sofa.

Mike: So you missed some good 11 o'clock news tonight.

Liz: Darn! Was Jim looking good? (we love Jim Vance, a local news anchor)

Mike: Well, you know, I'm not really supposed to notice if another man is looking good, but yeah, he was looking good.

Liz: Oh! Was his earring in? Was he wearing a silver shirt under his jacket?

Mike: Earring was in. I'm not sure if the shirt was silver. It might have been pink.

Liz: So what's he ranting about this week?

Mike: Well, first he was disgusted that Lowe's was selling Christmas trees but calling them "Family Trees".

Liz: What?

Mike: You know, so as not to offend anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas but wants to have a Christmas tree.

Liz: Family tree? Family tree?

Mike: I know.

Liz: So if we want to buy a menorah for our house but we're not Jewish, should I expect the store to call them "Family Candelabrums"?

Mike: I know.

Liz: I mean, I'm an atheist. And even I call it CHRISTMAS TREE.

Mike: You speak the truth.

Liz: This is a really diverse area. The last thing I'd want is for people to feel offended or alienated. I'm one hundred percent fine with saying Happy Holidays, and with not forcing kids in school to sing Christmas carols. But family trees? It's too much!

Mike: Well, apparently Lowe's apologized and said that the printing of "family trees" was a mistake.

Liz: Oh, sure. It's easy to mix up the words "Christmas" and "Family". You know, because they're so much alike.

Mike: So there was a protest.

Liz: Someone felt the need to protest?

Mike: Well, which side are you on?

Liz: No side! God! Why can't we all just relax?!

Mike: (mouth full of toothpaste)

Liz: I want to move!

Mike: (spits) You know you're more prone to making rash decisions after you've been sleeping on the couch.

Liz: I don't care! I want to move to Europe! (pounds fist on sink)

Mike: Well, get this. The other news story was that in Australia, Santas are being asked not to say "Ho, ho, ho!" because it's too offensive.

Liz: How is that offensive?

Mike: Someone might hear "Ho, ho, ho" and think Santa is using the American slang for prostitute. They're supposed to say, "Ha, ha, ha!"

Liz: See? I hate this country!

Mike: That's happening in Australia.

Liz: Yeah, but it's because they don't want to sound like Americans.

Mike: Good point.

Liz: I'm going back downstairs! I can't sleep!

Mike: (calling after me) If you leave the country, who will brush the dog's teeth? Think of his oral hygiene!

Liz: Don't say oral. It sounds OFFENSIVE.

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Blogger Bearette24 said...

LOL. I wonder if there will be a reverse tide of political correctness. A backlash. That's the word I'm looking for ;)

11:08 AM  
Blogger Chrissy said...

wow. this is so very funny, right down to the title of the post. HA indeed!!!

12:04 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Jim Vance is a good-looking man.

The rest, I just . . . sigh.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

I love Jim! He's the man!

Get this: Our company is having a holiday party, but the word holiday was too offensive, so now we're having a "thank you luncheon" instead. I wish I was making this up, but sadly it's a true story.

Yeah, I've been neglecting my blog. I've been busy with some major life changes. I'll get back to it eventually!

7:12 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

You are absolutely correct. Just RELAX, people!! Everyone is so busy trying to be politically correct that the whole spirit/attitude of the season is missed. Sheesh. lol

8:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is too funny! Last year there was a huge controversy in Ponte Vedra Beach over having a nativity scene in one of the public parks. According to one city official, it was allowable to have Jewish traditions displayed so as not to be discriminatory but they put the kibosh on Christian traditions because, you know, it would be discriminatory?

8:40 AM  
Blogger kj said...


kj does her broken record imitation: you should publish this.....


8:12 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I miss Jim Vance. I miss the earring and that voice...Good Lord, that voice.

4:04 PM  

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