Monday, November 12, 2007

Unleashing the Ignoramus Within

On Saturday Mike and I attended a theme party. Italics are required because I can’t utter "a theme" without thinking of that scene from A Christmas Story in which Ralphie’s teacher announces dramatically, “Boys and girls, I’m going to give you an assignment. I want you to write… a theme.”

Yes, Mike and I attended a party that had… a theme. The theme was The Princess Bride. Everyone was supposed to dress up as a character from the movie, although some people cheated and dressed as “directors”. Whatever.

Big fat cheaters.

Mike dressed as Wesley. He had everything he needed for the costume already, from the flowing black shirt to the lace-up black boots. And a black bandana, because every reputable rock star has one, natch.

If Mike was going to be Wesley, I had to be Buttercup. Except that I had nothing even remotely Buttercuppish, save for a pale complexion and blonde hair. Mike went to a costume store on the day after Halloween and scored me a costume for half-price. Which, awesome! Except that it was a Sexy Pirate costume. Or Dirty Slutty Hooker Pirate, depending on your perspective. I held the 2 ounce garment against my body and gave Mike a dubious look.

“This doesn’t really look like Buttercup’s costume.”

“Well… maybe you could be Buttercup unleashing the pirate within.”


I see where he was going with it, I really do. The top had these billowy sleeves that were reminiscent of Buttercup’s outfits. And it was 50% off, and I was desperate. But the 3-inch skirt on the bottom made out of nearly-sheer polyester? In November? I had to politely decline.

Instead, I wore a drapey red sweater (since Buttecup’s dress in most of the movie is red) and a big pin that said I HEART WESLEY.

(Big fat cheater)

I was a spectacular failure at this party. Not because of my costume, but because, as Mike puts it, I am the only woman on the planet who doesn’t like The Princess Bride. There were all these games and movie-related jokes that went right over my head. It felt like sitting at the kid’s table on Thanksgiving, hearing the adults roaring with laughter and wondering, what’s so funny?

Whatever, I just loaded a plate with cheese and crackers and whenever someone said something I didn’t get, I muttered, “You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Everyone seemed to think this was hilarious.

Tonight our flooring guy is coming to the house to do another round of measurements for Project Upstairs Hardwood Floors, and to dazzle us with an array of carpet samples. We decided to keep but upgrade the carpet on the two stairways, mostly because our dog rounds those corners at breakneck speed and I don’t want to have to pay for broken doggie legs.

My knowledge of carpet is only slightly higher than my knowledge of The Princess Bride. Any recommendations? (and if anyone starts a Princess Bride quote-off in my comments section, prepare to die, is all I’m sayin’. This blog supports When Harry Met Sally quote-offs only.)

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Blogger Roxanne said...

I'm with you on that one. I've only seen a couple of parts of the movie so I would be lost too.

The only thing I know about carpet is if you have kids or pets, don't buy anything lighter than a chocolate brown.

12:15 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I don't know anything about carpet.

I love The Princess Bride, but I just watched it with Master and his kids a couple weeks ago and they all seemed kinda so-so about it, so it's not just you. :)

12:44 PM  
Blogger Frema said...

I've never heard of anyone not liking The Princess Bride. I'm truly shocked!

12:56 PM  
Blogger Zen Master said...

I just saw the movie about 2 months ago and it was nothing to write home about.

In fact, I don't really remember anything about it. The only reason I saw it was because a friend of mine had it on her wedding registry and I was wondering what it was about.

You are not alone.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

LOL...I'm the other woman who doesn't like The Princess Bride! I don't even know who Buttercup is!

2:08 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Roxanne, Zen, & Bearette- thank you. I will be presenting your comments as evidence in tonight's Family Court.

I watched it once. I gave it a try. I just never understood what all the fuss was about...

2:34 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

don't feel bad - it's one of those movies that is much more fun to quote than to actually watch. like Young Frankenstein, Holy Grail, and Murder by Death.

3:50 PM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

We have Berber carpet in our den and it's held up very well for over 8 years, which is saying something with 3 dogs making that room THEIR room!

Have a great week

3:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved the Princess Bride... when I was 8. Might as well throw a Fraggle Rock party while we're at it!

4:52 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I agree with Babelbabe. I think I like the memories of watching The Princess Bride more than the actual movie. In undergrad, we used to fill our Snapple bottles with booze (because we were oh-so-clever) and sit in the TV room on our dorm floor, watching and quoting and, if we got boozy enough, re-enacting scenes.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

I've never seen the Princess Bride.

Berber carpet is nice.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I was all ready to start quoting but since I can't, and I know nothing about carpet, I have nothing.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Suse said...

I'll have whatever carpet you're having.

Uh uh uh uh oh oh uh ooooooohhhhhhhh.

4:50 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

See, Suse? I suspect you've broken my rule but I don't know for sure.

8:35 AM  
Blogger Major Bedhead said...

You wanted When Harry Met Sally quotes only and then you don't recognize the diner scene (with alternate carpet-themed dialog)? Pah.

Here from Behind The Stove....

10:03 PM  

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