Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year! This is about shit and such.

I'm back! I know, you thought I was dead, huh? But no, I was just off eating cookies and being lazy.

Our travels to Georgia and Florida went flawlessly and honestly, we could not have asked for better traffic conditions. We just zipped along I-95 for hours without a care in the world! It was markedly different from the last time we went to Georgia at Christmastime, when we hit a snow storm and it took us some SIX HOURS just to get through North Carolina. Boy, that was fun!

Alex was pretty good this time. He still trembles almost non-stop, but it varies from wee shivers to full-on, car-rattling shakes. We tried giving him sedatives once, but all they seemed to do was make his eyes glaze over while he continued to tremble and pant. So- no more sedatives.

He only escaped from his seat belt a couple of times. We wedged a stadium seat cushion between the two front seats, thereby creating a barrier (albeit a flimsy one) to his desired front seat location. This visual was usually enough to keep him in his place. Is it a sign that your life is lacking something when you and your husband exchange enthusiastic high-fives because you're managed to outsmart a 25-pound dog?

Something to think about.

I stepped in dog shit twice, once at a rest stop and once at a gas station. IS PICKING UP A DOG'S POOP TOO DIFFICULT FOR YOU? Then don't get a dog. This is why I whip out my plastic baggie the instant my dog squats-- I do not for one second want anyone to think that I am that dog owner who thinks it's fine to leave feces all over the place.

The first time I didn't notice I had stepped in it and we were on the highway for several minutes before the smell wafted up. I refused to stop again (once I am on my way, I do not like to be deterred) and instead used most of the Starbucks napkin stash I'd squirrelled away in the glove box to scrape it out of the treads of my Nike. I'm not saying this was pleasant for anyone in the car, but sometimes we must endure. Mike was most impressed that I had both Purell and scented body spray on hand. I was a Girl Scout, natch.

The second time I noticed before we got back in the car, and I sat on a filthy curb next to a puddle that smelled suspiciously like regurgitated beer as I used a stick to gouge the poop out. God. I hate people sometimes.

The "shit" theme continued once we arrived at Mike's brother's house in Georgia on Friday evening. We were standing on the driveway chatting with everyone, and decided to let Alex off his leash so he could expend some of his pent-up energy. He was doing a good job of staying on the property, but all of a sudden, he took off across the street. I saw the car's headlights. Mike frantically called to him and sprinted for the street, and all I saw was the big, happy grin on Alex's face as he raced back to us, completely oblivious to the fact that a SUV was about flatten him.

"SHIT!" I screamed, in front of my young niece and nephews.

Luckily, Mike is a fast runner. Luckily, the driver saw him and slammed on the brakes. Disaster was narrowly averted. My heart did not beat again for 24 hours.

Guess what my nephew's new favorite word is? God, but I'm a great aunt.

Even though he almost gave me a heart attack, Alex got a new Chicky for Christmas. Why would we get him a duplicate toy? Well, you tell me:

New, Fresh, Fluffy Chicky:

Old, Stinky, Loved-to-Death Chicky:

If only you could smell that thing through your computer. And yet, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to.

Thankfully, Alex loves New, Fresh, Fluffy Chicky and hasn't noticed that Old Chicky now lives on a beautiful country farm known as The Landfill.

So anyway, aside from all the shit, the trip was actually very nice. There were some really wonderful highlights that I'll tell you about another time.

How was your New Year's? You got drunk, didn't you? That's okay, no judgement from me. I'm just jealous because we got Indian take-out and watched an America's Next Top Model marathon until I passed out on the couch at 9:00. Exciting, no?

So let me live vicariously through you- tell me what you did. Or better yet, make something up. I love a good story.

Labels: , , ,


Blogger BabelBabe said...

I went pole-dancing, exposing my incredibly sexy eight-month-preggers belly to all sorts of hot young men who fed me champagne from crystal flutes and caviar on toast. And then brought me Bloody Marys all the next morning.

No, really? I let the boys watch some SpongeBob, bathed them and put them to bed, and then laid on the couch eating leftover pork fried rice while reading fluff (Austenland, great fun if totally shallow).

H had a gig. He didn't get home till four, by which time I had been in bed asleep for oh, six hours.

and also, I HATE people who don't pick up dog poop. I may grump about my dog, but I do pick up after him ALWAYS.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Wow. No pole-dancing on my New Year's Eve ;) I love the chicky, though.

6:51 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I watched a "Beverly Hillbillies" marathon on TV Land. The theme of the evening was Possum Day (Granny ran for Possum Queen in one episode) and, instead of seeing the ball drop on ABC or NBC, I saw a TV Land graphic of a possum shimmy itself down a pole at midnight.

9:21 PM  
Blogger Iamthebookworm said...

I got on the computer and folded laundry! At least the chicky was well-loved.

11:31 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Alex looks happy with his chicky friend. I wish kids were that easy to please at Christmas.

12:18 AM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

Babelbabe had me going for a sec!! LOL!!

Alex is a cutie, as usual!! Glad he wasn't run over!! We spent Christmas and New Years at our secluded cabin in the So Cal mountains and had a blast!! And we seemingly left just in time as THEY are predicticting 40" of snow there!! There are photos on my msn space if you're interested. Looks like a wet weekend here with 5 to7" of rain!! And it's coming your way soon!!!

I hope you and Mike have a wonderful 2008!!!!!!!

Bonnie is sending a big wet kiss to Alex!!!!! MUAHHHHH!!!!

3:34 AM  
Anonymous Betsy said...

I listened to my crazy neighbors yell at each other outside, and then the mom kicked the son out. Keep in mind the temp was below zero, and this happens about once a month. On his way out of the yard, the son threw a bike, pounded on a window, and screamed multiple expletives.

Starting the year out right, I guess.

10:08 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Those 2 different chicky pictures are pretty funny. lol

My New Year's Eve was... not much of anything. Really. But at least I got to spend it with my hubby for the first time and we were kissing at midnight. That was the highlight. :)

8:40 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Babel- were the hot young men able to tuck all their extra $100 bills into your g-string, or was it hidden by the belly?

jonathan- possum on a pole, BabelBabe on a pole... I'm sensing a theme...

Serious- Alex sees Bonnie's kiss and raises her a belly scratch.

Betsy- too bad we can't view surveillance tapes of the neighbors before we buy a house, huh?

suzy- Chicky squeaks when you squeeze him.

7:43 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

ha ha -- I totally watched the ANTM marathon too, much to my boyfriend's dismay (although I think he secretly liked both it and Project Runway) :-)

Happy New Year!

8:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I played "Would You Rather" with my sister-in-law. I'm sure I'll share on my blog eventually.

Glad you survived your poo-filled holiday!

10:43 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

I hate stepping in dog poo. A close second is the gum that certain imbeciles spit out on the ground. I think dog poop is easier to clean, though a lot more pungent.

Do you have a stock of chickies in the closet for when the manufacturer quits making them? Better stock up!

11:36 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

the hot young men just handed the cocktail waitress their platinum Amexs. Much simpler that way.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

the chicky comparison made me laugh hysterically the first time i saw it. i still chuckle everytime i scroll past it.

i found your blog about 2 weeks ago and i have enjoyed reading through the archives. great stuff.

12:48 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home