Friday, February 15, 2008


Liz: stares blearily at monitor



Internet: Uh, did you want to say something?


Internet: HELLO?

Liz: Oh! Yes. I wanted to say something. Something... something... something...

Internet: Well, we're off to a fine start.

Liz: Sorry, I'm really tired.

Internet: What is up with you?

Liz: Oh God, I don't even want to get into it. (lets head drop onto keyboard)

Liz: Ouch.

Internet: Juicy details? Spill.

Liz: It's nothing juicy.

Internet: Liar.

Liz: I swear! It's so boring, it could bring you to tears.

Internet: Let us guess- someone was mean to you on the Beltway and you cried.

Liz: No. Well, yes, but that's not what I was thinking about.

Internet: We can hardly wait to hear this one.

Liz: Well, I accidentally contracted a virus on our home computer. I went to one of those web pages that turns out to be a nightmare-- you know, the ones where extra windows starting popping up like mad and you can't get rid of them?

Internet: You clicked on one, didn't you?

Liz: Accidentally! I was trying to CLOSE one and I accidentally clicked on it and suddenly my computer was smoking a stogie and throwing knives at my head.

Internet: Is exaggeration like, a religion with you?

Liz: And I kept following the instructions to get rid of it, for three days I worked on this, and it kept coming back and multiplying! And horrible ads started popping up with these very busty women who were looking at me in a very inappropriate way and I was all, oh my god, I'm pregnant! My fetus cannot be exposed to pornography! It was truly a bloody battle of good and evil, like I was Indiana Jones and the huge boulder was chasing me and trying to crush me! My gritty will to persevere just totally kicked in.

Inernet: And?

Liz: We had to call Symantec and pay some twelve-year-old $100 to get rid of it.

Internet: Uh-huh. How did you get this virus, anyway? You were looking at adult sites, weren't you?

Liz: No!

Internet: Likely story.

Liz: I was on a Yo Mama joke site, if you must know. I was trying to find material for Stoneyfield's Yo Mommy-Yo Mama campaign.

Internet: They have a Yo Mama campaign?

Liz: In my dreams they do.

Internet: You are so weird.

Liz: Should I pretend to be Laura Ingalls instead?

Internet: No, ad executive is more amusing.

Liz: So anyway, Mike is the one who called Symantec and stayed on the phone with them until midnight.

Internet: So in other words, you gave your husband a virus for Valentine's Day.

Liz. Er, yes.

Internet: What did he give you, a wet willy?

Liz: No, actually. I woke up and found a beautiful beribboned box on my chest.

Internet: You're a sucker for beribboned boxes.

Liz: I know. This was inside.

Internet: Wow. So your husband does all the food shopping, cleans the toilets, takes the dog to the vet, spends hours on the phone fixing computer viruses that were your fault, and buys you jewelry, and in return you make fun of him on the Internet by telling everyone how many times he calls you from the produce section?

Liz: I deserve the worst Yo Mama joke of all time.

Internet: We're thinking...



Liz: Oh, I know!

Internet: Go for it, genius.

Liz: Yo mama's so lazy, she got a remote control for her remote control!

Internet: You should send that one to Stonyfield right away.

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Blogger Sweet Irene said...

You have a very good sense of humor, so self deprecating! But really funny.

I am going to read your older posts now, but you have been blogging for a while, so I will not get to the very beginning.

I think I am in for some enjoyment. Oh, and congratulations on being pregnant.

3:04 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

at least you didn't do it at the every other perv : )

oh, and thanks a bunch - i want everything on that website. such gorgeous jewelry!

5:19 PM  
Blogger kj said...

your pregnancy and motherhood are going to give you some over-the-top subject matter, dear liz!

i can't wait....

10:14 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I just got some kind of funky crazy hijack thing on my computer last week. I can't tell you how thankful I am to be married to a computer guy who could get rid of it for me. lol

12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're too funny.

10:59 PM  

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