Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Redd Foxx would approve

Ahhh…. allergy season is upon me, except this spring I can’t indulge in my wide array of pills, drops, and sprays due to the mini human that has taken up residence in my womb. Thankfully, I’ve been informed that if my allergy-induced asthma kicks in, it is safe to use my inhaler. No need to perish on the sidewalk!

You’d better believe that we’ll be keeping the windows closed (as much as that kills me) and I will be abstaining from walks outside, effective immediately.

The Neti pot has been working pretty well. It’s a strange feeling, that water running through your sinuses… kind of like jumping off the high-dive as a kid and feeling that sharp tingling from the rush of water. And huh… I really did not know that I was storing all that gunk up in there. Gross? Is that the word I’m looking for?

Yeah, gross.

Also gross was the way I didn’t allow the saline solution to fully drain the first time. A full thirty minutes after using the Neti pot I was bending over the dog, brushing his teeth, when suddenly a trickle of clear liquid flowed from my nose onto his head. He was mildly alarmed. I apologized profusely for drenching him in my sinus water and gave him an extra Buddy Biscuit for his trouble.

(but hey- the water was clear! VICTORY!)

I have since learned from watching this video that a routine of mild calisthenics is a valuable part of completing the sinus cleansing ritual. There were no modifications for pregnant women, though, so I will probably stick to vigorously shaking my head and snorting over the sink, then walking around for the rest of the day with Kleenex jammed up my nostrils.

In other news, I’m pretty sure that the universe is telling us that we should buy my husband a new car. After numerous repairs and maintenance jobs, his indoor driver-side door handle cracked. He told me that it still worked okay, as long as you were gentle and supported the base of the handle with your other hand as you opened the door.

Fast forward to a week later when he and I switched cars for the day. I was in my typical rush to get to work. After loading everything into the car and shutting the door, I realized that I’d left my purse inside. I yanked the door handle and suddenly found myself holding it at eye level, as it was no longer attached to the car.

YES, it occurred to me that I could crawl over to the passenger side door and escape that way, but Mike’s car has bucket seats and I had a load of crap next to me and I’m not as spry as I was a few months ago.

It did NOT occur to me to turn the car on and roll down the automatic window. So I honked the horn until Mike came out.

“HELP!” I mouthed, waving the handle at him. (sadly, I’d missed my opportunity to scrawl SOS on the window with my lipstick. Is that what a damsel in distress is supposed to do?)

Mike came down and released me from the car, then worked on trying to jerry-rig the door handle. I called into work to leave a message for my boss.

“Uh, I’m not quite sure how to say this, but I’m probably going to be late because our car’s door handle fell off? Yeah. But… if we can’t fix it pretty soon, I’ll just slide in and out through the window, Dukes of Hazard style.”

I hung up and walked back over to Mike, who was shaking his head. I hummed the theme music from Sanford and Son.

“Maybe we should put a big load of furniture and trash in the back seat,” I suggested eventually. “Then the missing door handle will blend in.”

(I can get away with saying things like this in situations like this because my husband is very patient and I am pregnant. For the rest of you: do not try this at home.)

Mike called around and found out that it would cost in the neighborhood of 150 - 200 dollars to get the handle replaced. So he went out and bought a tube of Krazy Glue for $1.50 and glued the old handle back on.

(the Sanford and Son music is getting louder!)

Yesterday Mike was driving to work and a lawn mower on the median kicked up a big rock, making a beautiful, spider web-like crack in one of the car's back windows. He told me he would duct-tape it until he can get it repaired in a few days for $200.

This morning someone walked past the house as we were standing on the driveway, looking at the car. I was barefoot, of course. And pregnant. The passer-by looked like he was wondering if he should give us his spare change.

The upside? No one wants to carjack us. I might drive around some rough neighborhoods tonight, just for fun.

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Blogger Bearette24 said...

I like the neti pot, too :) I blow my nose intensely after using it...seems to clear things up ;)

3:23 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I'm thinking I should get a neti pot. Maybe if I get one and try it, I can convince Master to try it too. And I have a feeling his sinuses REALLY need it. Oh, and he refuses to take anything for it. Ever.

Tell Mike I say to get a new car. I'll even send him a free copy of Canadian Babe magazine. LOL

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That just might be a sign it's time for a new car!

My husband is the king of crazy glue. He would use it to fix everything if he could.

Oh, and snotting on your dog. Too funny.

5:50 AM  
Blogger nejyerf said...

a reference to sanford and son AND the dukes of hazzard?!?! woo-hoo

i LOVED bo duke when i was growing up.

i would love to get my husband to try using the neti pot. maybe that would halt the incessant air hankies?!

1:30 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Mwahahahaha. We had that car. I was so glad when we finally got rid of it. It fetched 126.00 at auction. Woo-hoot!

I developed allergic asthma this year, fun stuff!

Next year, allergy shots!

5:13 PM  

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