Wednesday, May 07, 2008

What, you thought I went on vacation?

Still alive, just tired. And very regrettably not on vacation. But I will be soon! Mike and I will be spending a few days on Chincoteague Island. Did you ever read Margeurite Henry's Misty of Chincoteague? That's it, the very same Chincoteague! Though I doubt there could be more than one, since we're not exactly talking about someplace named Oak Grove or Riverside.

Mike and I got engaged there about ten years ago and haven't been back since, so we thought it would be a good choice for a last getaway before the baby is born. This time we'll try not to get pulled over for speeding in an endangered squirrel zone.

(re-reading the story of our engagement suddenly clued me in as to why so many people find my blog by googling "the funniest joke ever told" and "the best joke ever". Er, do you think they leave disappointed?)

(probably)

(it is just like me to make ridiculous, sweeping proclamations that raise and then dash the hopes of unfunny people across the world)

(anyway!)

On Monday Mike and I had another appointment with the midwife, the first appointment since our big reveal ultrasound last month. The midwife greeted us, congratulated us on having a boy, then reviewed the ultrasound results.

And it took her a wee bit longer than I expected, as I thought the results simply said "A-OK!" and really, how long does it take to read that?

Then she said something that started with, "Did they discuss with you..." and suddenly I heard the ocean in my ears and couldn't focus on her face. Because you only "discuss" bad things, right? If it's something good, you chat or laugh or talk animatedly, but you don't discuss.

So, to cut to the chase, our baby boy has a spot of calcification on his liver. The midwife reassured us that this is usually clinically insignificant and usually resolves itself on its own. She said this several times. But they ordered some blood tests for me to see if I've had any viruses that may have harmed the baby. If the results come back negative, I'm not sure what the next step is. If the results come back positive, I still don't know what the next step is.

I didn't ask these things because as soon as I heard "usually clinically insignificant", I decided that I'd just take the needle in the arm and I would not freak out. I just decided NOT to. Easy! And I thought I was doing a pretty damn good job of Not Freaking Out, until that night, when I dreamed that a team of doctors called me into their office and screamed at me that I'd had a sinus virus and never got it treated, so I had permanently damaged my baby.

(Sinus virus. I don't think there is technically any such thing, but it kind of amuses me that gave myself that diagnosis in my dream. Allergies have been an even bigger bitch than usual this spring since I'm med-free.)

The next day at work I proceeded to further upset myself by researching fetal hepatic calcification in several medical databases. Because naturally, the eyes skim over the parts that say "fetal hepatic calcification is not a rare ultrasonic finding" and "96% of fetuses are JUST FINE" and focus on words like malformations and viral infection and spontaneous abortion.

By the time I got home I was so tired from Not Freaking Out all day that I could do little more than lie on the couch, holding my belly and weeping. Mike banished me from using the computer and finally convinced me to go to my long-anticipated aqua aerobics class, which really was quite nice. I've been dreaming of submerging myself in water for a solid month now, and I slept better last night than I have in a long time.

Everything will be fine. I'll be fine. I haven't freaked out over any of the other tests we had, but I figured it was pointless unless we knew there was something to worry about. Now there is the possibility of something, and I guess I'm just getting my first real taste of what it's like to feel completely, utterly responsible for a very tiny human being.

For now, the baby is kicking and I'm waiting for a call from the midwife. Life marches on. We now resume our regularly scheduled Not Freaking Out.

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7 Comments:

Blogger BabelBabe said...

Step AWAY from PubMed. Do not pass Medline, do not collect facts from Ovid. (Excuse me as I mix my database metaphors.)

Go read People magazine or something.
All will be fine.
Hang in there.

9:32 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Yeah, don't go online. Except for 3dpregnancy.com which is fun.

They like to scare people. A friend of mine was told her baby had a spot on her heart. The baby was born about a week ago and she's absolutely fine.

You know how they scared me about Tay Sachs and then said, "oops! false alarm."

ignore them.

10:21 AM  
Anonymous betsy said...

My mom once said the best parenting advice that was ever given to her was to recognize what you can control, and what you can't. While you will still worry about the things out of your control, try to spend more time and energy on the things you can do something about.

And I like babelbabe's advice. But I prefer US magazine. Much more mindless.

Oooo, guess what my word verification is? XYBORN. How appropriate.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

If I could hold your hand, I would.

It's always easy to imagine yourself in the four percent but the ninety-six percent is definitely in your favor.

And like Bearette said, false alarms abound. I've heard some doozies.

7:55 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I'm sure everything will be dandy. But I'll still say a prayer for you and baby because, really, what can that hurt, right? :)

9:36 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Thanks, all. Feeling much better today. Turns out that we won't get the blood test results until Monday, but I'm going to call the midwives today just to review a couple of things and to get some final reassurance.

Babel- my husband basically said the same thing, but he doesn't know the names of my current not-so-secret obsessions. I feel more likely to obey your command because YOU'RE ON TO ME.

Thanks again.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

p.s. I think I'll completely rot my brain and read both People and US. Maybe I'll throw a little Glamour in there, too.

7:27 AM  

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