Monday, August 11, 2008

She's a maniac

You're getting a post this morning because Alex puked at 5:45 a.m. and I couldn't see how going back to bed for 45 minutes was going to ease my fatigue in any significant way.

In the darkness, I heard the soft gulping noises that indicate **PUKING IMMINENT**. Mike tends to be a heavy sleeper while even the beating of a humingbird's wings could break my delicate slumber, so I'm typically the one who hears the pre-puke noises and snatches Alex from the end of the bed, rushing him onto the safe (easy-to-clean) tile of our bathroom floor.

I guess it's been quite a while since this has happened, because when the gulping started I tried to bolt from the bed, only to find that I was stuck pitifully in the land between lying and sitting, my regrettably NON-Go-Go-Gadget arms outstretched toward the heaving dog.

(I CAN get out of bed by myself, but these days it takes a while)

Fortunately, Mike somehow woke up, saw me flopping like a catfish on a hot, dry dock, and immediately sprang into action.

Unfortunately, the puking started mid-sprint to the bathroom.

Fortunately, the puke landed on a pillow, and not on the off-white area rug.

Unfortunately, it also ran down Mike's leg.

"Oh well," he said, as we began the clean-up. "This definitely won't be the last time I have puke all over me."


Okay, the baby's name. Part of his name was correctly identified, but no one came up with the other part. I'll wait and tell you after he's born, just in case we change our minds. Which is impossible, actually, because we already have a blanket with his name embroidered across it, and that's like cancelling your wedding after the invitations have already gone out. I mean, what the HELL are you going to tell Aunt Millie? That she has to return the tea pot?

It's on the blanket. That's his name.

To be serious- we quite like it, but I won't be using it on this blog after the initial announcement. I don't want his future bosses to Google his name and find out what a weirdo his mother is.


I'm here to tell you that the nesting instinct is not a myth. On Friday night, as Mike nodded off on the couch (you are so jealous of our exciting nightlife, best to just ADMIT IT), I was struck by the sudden, urgent need to refill every soap dispenser in the house. Then I had to wipe down all the sinks, and clean the tops of the various q-tip holders, etc., because you know how they get dusty and grimy over time and I can't stand that.

Note that we have four bathrooms in our house, so this took a while.

Then I noticed that the kitchen faucet had seen better days, so I polished it. I POLISHED MY FAUCET.

And on and on until 10:30 or so, when I woke Mike up so we could go to bed.

On Saturday, the madness continued. Here is a partial list of my accomplishments:

  • cleaned all the baseboards and moldings in the house
  • vaccumed kitchen floor, including under the fridge and in the tiny pantry
  • mopped kitchen floor- twice
  • mopped floor of main bathroom
  • cleaned bathroom's mirror
  • took count of all the spare toilet paper rolls in the house (six; NOT ENOUGH FOR MY COMFORT)
  • scrubbed microwave inside and out
  • scrubbed freezer and reorganized contents of (hey, no one wanted that homemade spaghetti sauce from 3/07, right?)
  • cleaned any visible yuck from inside fridge
  • cleaned stovetop
  • de-crumbed toaster oven
  • cleaned blender (I haven't made margaritas in a long time- it was a tad dusty)
  • did four loads of laundry
  • sterilized 10 baby bottles and their assorted parts
  • went swimming at the pool
And though my back was killing me at the end of the day, I was not nearly as tired as I expected to be. All this from a woman who has barely had the energy to get up from the couch.

Weirdest thing ever.

37 weeks. I am not playing around.

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Blogger Suse said...

I washed down skirting boards (what you call baseboards I think) and kitchen walls at 37 weeks EVERY SINGLE PREGNANCY.

You may go into labour now.

8:11 AM  
Blogger J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Good Lord! Maybe I need to get pregnant. I could use a burst of energy to finish my landscaping project and my house could use a serious dose of dusting and mopping.

Hope Alex is feeling better.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Yep, you're ready. Also, can you come to my house before you give birth???

The look on your face says it all. :)

11:04 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Holy #^@&, girl, all I did when I nested was throw stuff out and organize a bit. I am impressed :)

12:33 PM  
Blogger His suzy said...

Liz, you look great!

Oh, and feel free to come next at my house for a while. Although I have to warn you that it will need to be re-nested soon after because the kids won't think two bits about messing it all up again! lol

3:39 PM  
Anonymous Betsy said...

Based on the photo essay which included an embroidered blanket, I conclude that you are naming your child BYOB. Interesting choice. He'll be a hit at parties!!

Seriously, tho. YOu can come to Minnesota and nest at my house. My baseboards need wiping down.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Suse- WAIT- I still have to clean the grout in my shower with a toothbrush! THEN I can go into labor.

Tewkes- Alex is feeling better. Some dogs just seem to puke every so often for no good reason. I just can't figure out why his always has to be neon yellow...

Rox- I'm ready whenever he is. :)

Bearette- I know, right? I impressed myself.

Suz- thanks!

Betsy- YOU GUESSED IT, you genius! And I would love to come to MN... we could go see the Little House musical and then rip up linoleum at your house! I LOVE demo, have I told you?

7:22 PM  
Anonymous Betsy said...

I have heard really good reviews of that musical. And Melissa Gilbert is playing Ma. How perfect!

Oh, and the linoleum is totally gone. BUt you can help put down tile.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Ten days!

4:08 AM  
Blogger Caro said...

The reason you get the nesting urge is because it is the last time your house will ever be clean again. Mwahahahaha.

At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

2:01 AM  
Blogger R U Serious?? said...

Damn!! I need to get my wife pregnant!! This house is filthy!!

2:56 PM  

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