Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You think?


I thought Sunday night was the night. I really did. I was getting contractions that were pretty uncomfortable, pain radiating from my lower back to my abdomen. But after an hour, they stopped.
So I went to work in the morning and proceeded to exhaust myself. Not that it takes much, mind you. But my back was killing me and I was feeling crampy and so I was still thinking, "Well, maybe today!"
(Baby says, HAAAAAAAA! Also: hiccup.)
I should have worn a big shirt that said YES, I'M STILL HERE!, as every. single. person. who walked past the reference desk exclaimed, "You're still here?" New students who don't already know when my due date is smiled and asked when I'm due, barely able to conceal their horror when I answered, "Friday!"
Is it that crazy to work up until your due date (or beyond)? So long as I can make it through the weeks by taking a sick day here and there, I don't want to waste my maternity leave by sitting around at home.
There was a very amusing day when I walked into a staff meeting and heard a chorus of gasps. "I can't believe you came in!" my boss said. I'd been out the previous day due to a slight cold and general infirmity NOS, so I said, "It was nothing! I'm fine."
Later I found out that there was a miscommunication between her and the person I talked to when I called in sick, and somehow she got the idea that I was 8 centimeters dilated. In a fit of excitement she told a bunch of other people, so when I showed up at work the next day everyone thought I was freaking Wonder Woman.
It was kind of awesome. Yes, Wonder Liz can fly! Leap tall buildings in a single bound! Whip her own uterus into submission! Eight centimeters? It's nothing, I'm fine!
(Baby says, HAAAAAAAA!)
I have no idea if I'm any further dilated, as my next appointment is this Thursday. I have to admit I'll be pretty disappointed if there's been no progress, so I'm mentally prepared for the worst news.
Midwife: Sorry, Liz- your cervix has regressed so remarkably that you're not even pregnant anymore.
Liz: Dammit.
I can take it. Am Wonder Woman. Though seriously- I keep drifting into this dreamlike state where I feel certain I'll be pregnant forever. I don't mean that in a I'm so miserable and this baby is never coming out! way. Rather, I think I can't imagine existing in any other body. I am Pregnant. That is my identity. I am simply destined to carry a bowling ball in my belly for the rest of my life.
In other TMI, Mike had to go out and get some more KY for our perineal massage. He was planning to buy just the KY, nothing else, so I wondered if he would go through the self-checkout line to avoid embarrassment. But would that really avoid embarrassment? Those machines talk, and they talk loudly.
Machine: THANK you! Please place your KY JELLY on the BELT!
Or
Machine: ERROR! ERROR! Please RE-SCAN your personal! LUBRICANT!
Or
Machine: (lights flash and a siren wails) ALERT! ALERT! Please call a store clerk! to ASSIST you with your SEXUAL ENHANCEMENT AID!
Turns out he just took it to a cashier and wasn't embarrassed in the least. What a man.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Bearette24 said...

LOL - my doctor told me to get KY afterward b/c nursing dries you out - I snuck it through the self-check, though I feared it would embarrass me as you described :)

7:58 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

i used vitamin E capsules (obviously broken open) for the perineal massage; and Astroglide after (KY smells funny....) and now you know more about me than any one's friends have a right to....

I worked right up to the due date in any case I could...well except for the kid who came two weeks early and I called the morning of the day i was supposed to work and said, "Um, my maternity leave is starting NOW." and then I gave birth three hours later...

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Frema said...

For the two weeks before Kara was born, I just wanted to be DONE. I had this ginormous belly and little patience for anything but getting her out of me. I ended up using the last four vacation days I had instead of letting them roll over to the next year and began maternity leave right after, so I went back to work three days earlier than originally planned. And looking back, I'm so glad I had that time. All I wanted to do was lay around, sleep, watch TV, and eat nice dinners out. :) For number two, I imagine I'll do that again, just to enjoy some final days of peace before being a mother of two.

I admire you and all the other women who hang in there right to the very end. Physically, I was able. Emotionally? Not so much.

10:07 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

I figure if you feel up to it, go for it! It makes sense to me that you'd rather keep your maternity leave for after the baby is born.

By the way, if you can figure out how to teach others to regress their cervix to the point of not being pregnant, I believe you might just be the creator of the best birth control EVER!! :)

12:59 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

Will your husband buy feminine products too? I'm impressed.

After I had the first baby I had gotten so used to the kicking sensation that sometimes I still felt kicking. It must have been my poor innards moving back from squishedville into normal positions.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Caro - I felt that too, in the hospital.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Betsy said...

Little Lionel (that's what I'm calling him for now- LIONel. get it?)is just happy where he's at- no need to move out!

Go jump rope!

5:15 PM  

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