Friday, September 26, 2008

Scenes from New Motherhood

I love this little boy. Love, love, love.

My infant son inspires me sing silly songs like this:
He’s my baby
Bless my baby
Tastes good with gravy
Don’t mean maybe!

I could kiss those cheeks over and over again.

Cry. Cry, cry, cry. We are both crying.

This is hard. This is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done.

I think of that scene from Juno in which Jennifer Garner is holding the baby in the hospital nursery and asks Allison Janney, “How do I look?” and Allison Janney replies kindly, “Like a new mom. Scared shitless.”

So tired. Sleep when the baby sleeps! Except that I want to unload the dishwasher and check my email and, I don’t know, maybe I should take a shower? I haven’t showered in three days. That’s disgusting, and yet I don’t want to waste my time that way.

Since when is personal hygiene a waste of time? Holy cats.

First outing alone in the car with the baby. I carefully obey the speed limit. I get to the grocery store and look around for other moms in the parking lot. There are none. I fumble with the car seat until I figure out how to secure it to the shopping cart. This feels like a major accomplishment.

I remember how Mike’s cousin was too scared to take her baby anywhere for several months. Suddenly, that doesn’t seem so odd.

Still, I don’t want to be her.

Shop. Shop quickly before the baby wakes up and wants to eat! I keep one hand on the cart at all times, lest someone try to steal my baby. How did my mom manage with three children under four and two shopping carts full of stuff?

Cashier asks if I would be willing to trade my baby for groceries. This makes me smile and I am grateful to her. I feel spunky enough to stop for coffee on the way home.

Back home in one piece. No one smashed into my car, no airplane parts fell from the sky, no noticeable earthquakes.

It’s been three weeks. Such a long time, and yet no time at all.

Scared shitless, but moving forward.

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6 Comments:

Blogger J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Sounds to me like you and the Lion are doing great!

3:22 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

The fact that you got through the store without him crying is an accomplishement all its own.

I swear babies have a fifteen second shopping rule.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

I was always fearful that I'd absentmindedly leave the baby somewhere. Never did thankfully. Good for you for braving the big, bad world all by yourself so soon. :)

11:40 PM  
Blogger Suse said...

My husband is the sixth of six boys. He got left at the supermarket, sitting in the trolley, at least twice by the time he turned five.

You're doing beautifully! Soon it'll be a cinch, I promise.

12:43 AM  
Blogger His suzy said...

You're new at this, so it sounds to me like you're doing wonderfully! Don't be hard on yourself. Everyone has to learn to adjust, right? :)

12:40 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

i remember when i would say, screw showering, i can get TEN MORE MINUTES sleep if I don't shower. Then i discovered the shower soothed the baby, so I would strap him in the carseat, stick it on the bathroom floor, and shower while he was awake. Bliss!

and for god's sake, SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. Trust me. your house will look like a hurricane hit it anyway.

10:53 PM  

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