I stepped on the scale the other day and discovered that I'd lost all the baby weight, so I gleefully pulled out all my old pants and tried them on. Most are still bit tight around the waist. I wonder if the rubber band trick is still acceptable if you're not in the early stages of pregnancy?
I took Lion to the pediatrician for his two-month check-up. As I placed him naked on the scale, the nurse announced, "Two feet long and thirteen pounds, four ounces!"
Suddenly he peed all over the scale and the wall.
"Make that thirteen pounds, three ounces," she corrected.
My baby has this huge smile where his nose wrinkles and his eyes crinkle and looks like he just heard the best joke ever. I live for it. No one ever told me that a toothless grin could be your drug of choice.
Passing a gaggle of teenage girls in the grocery store, one of them gazes at Lion and says, "Oh, I want a baby!"
"Bloody nipples," I tell her as I pass.
I do what I can.
Mike: I'm at the store.
Liz: I know. Hey, can you get me a pint of Haagen-Dazs Rocky Road while you're there?
Mike: Ice cream craving?
Liz: No. I just like the way the almonds get stuck in my teeth. It's strangely satisfying.
Mike: Uh, okay.
Liz: So, why were you calling?
Mike: I knew you needed something. I'm like Lassie.
Mike: So, seriously, this grocery store doesn't sell condoms.
Liz: They don't?
Liz: I thought all the grocery stores had them.
Mike: Not this one. I even asked at the pharmacy counter and they said no.
Mike: Maybe it's the Catholic grocery store.
Liz: What, do they sell calendars instead?