You exaggerate a lot, don't you?
Is Lion walking yet?
No, but a couple of days after the crawling began I walked into his nursery one morning to find him standing there in his crib with a huge grin on his face. Why sit when you can crawl? Why crawl when you can grab onto that teeny tiny edge of the oven, pull yourself up with shaky arms and sway like a happy, drunken little man while a pot of water boils one foot above your head? Babies! It's like they'd never survive without us.
Insect bites or chicken pox?
Neither. The pediatrician thought the spots were a side effect of the antibiotic Lion was on for his ear infection, though when they disappeared completely after 24 hours (while he was still on the meds), I wondered if it could have been a food allergy. I'd made Lion a dish with shredded zucchini, quinoa, olive oil and cumin, and the cumin was the only new ingredient. I'll wait a while, then try cumin again and see what happens.
No, thank god. Flying ants, which, gross, but at least they're not eating my house. I could have sworn they were termites. I caught a few in a jar and studied them, comparing them to flying ants v. termites pictures I found on Google Images, but hey. The professional exterminator who could have charged us a zillion dollars for an unnecessary termite treatment said they were ants, so I'll believe him. Of course, before he came I'd already conjured up a worst case scenario in which the termite-riddled joists under the second floor of the house crumbled in the middle of the night, killing all of us. The termites decided that although they prefer wood, they could not pass up the six wet, delicious eyeballs of the former homeowners.
Did you go naked to the wedding?
No, although I probably could have. My brother and his wife have a bunch of very nice friends who look much more artsy and trendy than I could ever hope to be, what with their horn-rimmed glasses and vegan shoes and Canon 5Ds hanging from their necks. They probably would have taken my nudity as a sign of my commitment to the environment.
I returned the Anthropologie dress and found another one three days before we had to leave for New York. Ha ha! I bet you're thinking that I was the type of college student who needed the pressure of an 8 a.m. deadline to type a 10-page term paper the night before. And you would be right.
And now that you know what I wore, you'll be wondering what Lion wore. Tie & vest onesie from a shop on Etsy**, black pants, and skull & crossbones shoes. He was obviously the hit of the party.
He was such a good baby the entire time, from the car trip to the late-night rehearsal party through the wedding and reception the next evening. He pooped out before the bonfire, but everyone was amazed by his good nature. He was the only child allowed at the wedding, and I'm sure the bride and groom didn't regret sending him an invitation. No crying or fussing, even when he was clearly exhausted. He just took it all in with those big, blue eyes. The people, the noise, the lake and the sun and the trees.
I had the best date there, I'm sure of it.
**edited to add a link to the Etsy shop where I got the onesie, for those who emailed or commented.