Tuesday, October 06, 2009

It certainly does suck.

Our vacuum up and died. To be specific, a large plastic thingy on the bottom of the vacuum broke in two, a plastic thingy that looks awfully important, and I don't think Super Glue will be able to save me this time.

Is there anything more annoying than shopping for than a new vacuum? I say this as someone who's shopping under the glare of a very strict budget. If I had hundreds of dollars at my disposal I'd probably have fun shopping for a vacuum, and I'd buy a Miele simply because I like the way they look and the different models have names like "Salsa" and "Twist" and "Jazz". I like jazz! And salsa. And it's been quite a while since I've played Twister, but yes, I like that, too. Those names make me feel like vacuuming my house will be exciting, possibly even hot.

Yes, I would run out and buy a Miele without first studying all available consumer research and reviews, so you know I must be drunk or high. Or both.

I want a pretty, sleek vacuum. I want a S 7580 Tango Deluxe in Titian Red Metallic.

Instead, I bought a Bissell 82H1 Cleanview Helix Bagless Upright. In... er... Plastic Hearse Black.

Somehow it doesn't have the same zing.

However. It was $75 on sale, it got good reviews, and it has a Turbo Brush attachment that I can use on the stairs, so I can avoid teaching my son all the best four-letter words as I struggle to move that beast across every one of the five hundred steps in my house.

This is my first experience with a bagless vacuum. Instead of a disposable bag, this has a clear plastic cup that catches all the dirt. I know! All these new-fangled inventions! Next I'll tell you about this amazing invention called... what was it... Blackberry? It's like a telegraph and a digital slate all rolled into one OMG.

The first few swipes of our living room area rug captured quite a lot of gray, fuzzy matter. Watching that cup fill up is both satisfying and disturbing. Do I want to know exactly what's in my rug?

Oh, god. I do not.

For those of you about to embark on a vacuum odyssey of your own, I'll leave you with this tip: people who review vacuum cleaners on sites like Amazon love to give their reviews titles like, "IT SUCKS!" and "THIS IS THE SUCKIEST VACUUM EVER!".

For a while, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why these people were giving four and five-star ratings for vaccums that they clearly hated.

Yes, I'm slow. And it's been far too long since I've seen Wayne's World.

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Anonymous Betsy said...

Love the bagless vacs. And yes, I know how nerdy I just sounded.

7:26 PM  
Blogger This suzy said...

I bought my bagless vac a few years ago with my tax return. An exciting use of "extra" money, I know.

I think you'll like the bagless. One thing that's nice is that if you happen to suck up something that you didn't mean to, it's relatively easy to pick it out of the canister. ;)

9:25 PM  
Anonymous Frema said...

Party time. Excellent!

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Frema said...

P.S. What is the world coming to when the perfect set-up for a "Your Mom!" joke totally passes me by?

Your mom sucks!

I feel better.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Betsy- just more evidence of why we are a match made in heaven...

Suzy- hadn't even thought of that! I guess I should start looking at what's in the canister.

Frema- you and your mom jokes always make me smile. :)

8:42 AM  
Blogger Reighnie said...

I hate shopping for a new vacuum. I spend a ton of money and end up needing to buy a new one by the same time next year. So far my current vaccuum was a cheap $30 bagless. It's lasted the longest.

I gave you an award on my blog :-)

3:32 PM  

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