Monday, October 12, 2009


Dear God,

I really think my son has enough teeth now. I'm not claiming to know better than you, but I am his mother and I would appreciate your hearing me out.

It seems it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a tooth to break through the gums of my son. (I'm not trying to rip off Matthew, but the camel bit is perfect for this situation and I thought it would help present my difficulties in a way that you would understand, Lord. Not that you don't understand things.)

(of course you do.)

Since there are so many other issues deserving of your attention- wars and health care and Britney Spears, perhaps?- please don't worry about sending any more teeth. The dozen or so that have already broken through are doing the job quite nicely.

In exchange for putting a stop to the constant, torturous arrival of teeth in my son's mouth, my husband is prepared to give up peanut butter. If you know him, and I think you do (9 a.m. mass every Sunday- holla!), you know the magnitude of this sacrifice.

Not that you don't know great sacrifice. I mean, obviously.

For my part, I am prepared to give up impure thoughts of Colin Firth.

We are all very, very tired and appreciate your consideration of our proposal.

Of course, from what I hear, you are all-knowing and this entire exercise was probably unecessary. As is my signature. But I simply cannot leave a letter without a proper closing and signature.

Which you already know.



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Blogger Bearette24 said...

i hear you. are teeth really necessary? can't we just all gum our mash? ;)

2:56 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

Colin Forth? Are you sure you're prepared to give this up? I mean, teeth are for a night (or 2 or 3 or 16), but Colin Firth is for eternity...

9:20 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

You're hilarious. Who else would think of shouting "holla!" at the Lord Almighty?

P.S. I know it's getting cold and all, but I haven't forgotten about Lion's hat. It has had to be put on the back burner along with all my other knitting projects. Boo!

10:14 PM  
Blogger This suzy said...

I'd love to know what kind of reply you get. ;)

10:15 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

If you give up Colin, there is always James Spader (pre-Boston Legal; i prefer the Pretty in Pink and Secretary incarnations).

11:12 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Rox- thanks. And don't worry about the hat if it gets to be too much. We can always buy him one. (not as special as handmade, but it will keep his head warm just as well!)

9:35 AM  

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